Shocktober Day 15: The Devil’s Rejects

The Devil’s Rejects (2005)

“Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.” For years that’s been my attitude towards Rob Zombie. Often, I’ve disparaged Zombie’s gory oeuvre and yet I’ve spent a great deal of time delving into his nauseating and relentlessly cruel films. I think it’s because Zombie loves a lot of the same things I love. Whether it’s classic monster movies, Alice Cooper, or Halloween, Zombie feels like he should be my kindred spirit.

Maybe it’s time to stop bickering and accept as a horror fan that Rob Zombie is a part of my world. I mean, he seems like a cool dude, laid back in interviews with a wit as dry as bones bleaching in the sun. And I at least appreciate his visual style. Whether it be the grindhouse look of his films or LSD album artwork. I even think his music is fun in kind of an off-kilter way. Who doesn’t love a lyric like, “Dead I am the rat, feast upon the cat
Tender is the fur, dying as you purr!” He’s a talented artist in many respects, and yet I hate his films.

For those who don’t know, The Devil’s Rejects is a sequel to Zombie’s film House of 1000 Corpses (2003). The best I can describe House of 1000 Corpses is like if The Texas Chainsaw Massacre was shot in a spookhouse and then sluiced through a steel grating. On the surface that sounds like a compliment, but it’s not.

House of 1000 Corpses has none of the nuances of a film like TCM. Rather House of 1000 Corpses is non-stop visceral violence with no breaks in a blanket of loud characters incessantly swearing and screaming. Some might argue that horror should never stop making you uncomfortable. But House of 1000 Corpses makes me uncomfortable for the wrong reasons. It doesn’t make me uncomfortable because it’s scary (it’s not) it makes me uncomfortable because it’s annoying. Characters constantly yell and cackle like cartoon characters. They spout, juvenile dialogue. There’s no sense of pacing. The violence just kind of happens with little build-up or suspense. It’s an onslaught on the senses without any real weight behind it.

The Devil’s Rejects is a similar film although in a different style with more breathing room. It’s less avant-garde and more 70’s road movie. Like if Easy Rider had psychotic clowns. There isn’t much to the story. The murderous Firefly Family (who were also the antagonists in the first film) leave the confines of their said house of corpses to go on a killing spree.

On the lam from the cops are Captain Spaulding (Sid Haig), Otis (Bill Moseley) and Baby (Sheri Moon Zombie) who despite their unique looks are all essentially the same maniacal character. The cops are lead by Sheriff Wydell (William Forsythe), who in many ways is as equally brutal and violent as the psychos he’s pursuing. That’s another big problem with this flick. I have no one to root for. It’s all a parade of violence with no center. Everyone is despicable.

Instead of rattling off other reasons I don’t like this film, let me think of something I do like. Even if I’m not big on the characters I do see merit in the performances. Bill Moseley being my favorite as Otis. I had the pleasure of meeting Bill Moseley a few years ago and he was just as enthusiastic and animated as the off-the-wall characters he plays on screen. I also met Sid Haig but he was just so old. He didn’t say much and spent most of our interaction hacking up phlegm and making old man noises.

I’ve never truly understood the appeal of this movie, just like I’ve never truly understood the appeal of Rob Zombie. Yet, he has his die-hard fans. Even Ebert and Roeper gave this movie two thumbs up, go figure. It certainly has its place in horror history, I’m just sad it will never have a place in my heart.

Everybody loves a clown.

Shocktober: Day 14

Hostel (2005)

I think I’ve seen enough of Eli Roth’s work to decide that he sucks. I’ll give him points for being an adequate actor, but as a writer/director he brings virtually nothing new to the genre. Take Hostel, it’s essentially Saw without the traps, twists, or interesting characters. What does it have? Violence, and lots of it. People criticize Saw for being senseless torture porn but if you’re looking for the culprit, look to Hostel.

Two douchey college students are traveling through Europe when they stop off in Slovakia. Delving into their hedonistic pleasures, they hook up with some chicks and get drugged. One of the douchebags wakes up in a dungeon-like setting where he is then tortured by a Dutch businessman. In searching for his friend, the other douchebag also becomes a victim, but he ain’t giving up, not this year. More or less it’s your typical cat-and-mouse kind of hack ’em up movie.

It pains me that Roth’s ideas are good in theory but executed in such an unimaginative way. Inspiration for his film Cabin Fever came from a personal experience where Roth contracted a skin disease, that sounds cool but it was handled on screen in the most predictable, by-the-numbers format imaginable. Hostel is the same thing, Roth got the idea after hearing about countries where you could pay to shoot people. Doesn’t that sound compelling? Yet he does nothing with it.

Filmmakers are supposed to push boundaries and discover new ways to present themselves. They are artists that live to create something special. Though as far as I’m concerned, Eli Roth is just immitating what others before him have already done, and not even doing a good job of that. I don’t get his appeal and I have no interest in ever seeing anything else by him ever again.

It gets me so hot!

This is My Ship

Captain Phillips

Captain Phillips is not an easy movie to make. Taking a recent news story that most of America remembers (at least to the level of “oh yeah, the Somali pirate thing”) and making it into a thriller is no easy task. Zero Dark Thirty made it work by focusing on the people behind the story, but Captain Phillips doesn’t have a Maya. We’ve just a captain, his crew, some pirates, a squad of Navy SEALS, and what happened between them. And so the challenge is turning the images in our heads into something we’d want to watch for over two hours. Fortunately, visually exciting movies are kind of director Paul Greengrass’ specialty.

In that way, it was weird watching Gravity and Captain Phillips back-to-back. Both movies thrive by putting you into horrific situations that, although totally improbable, make you ask, “what would I do in this situation?” Neither movie is particularly strongly written, but is elevated by the skill behind the production and great performances by the lead actors. Gravity is really, really the superior film, but it was nice to see a couple movies I could actually give a damn about after this forgettable summer.

So: Tom Hanks plays Richard Phillips, a family man and the captain of the American container ship Maersk Alabama. While sailing a shipment around the Horn of Africa, the Maersk Alabama is boarded by armed pirates led by Muse (Barkhad Abdi), a skinny young man who is as desperate as he is dangerous. Phillips is taken hostage and a battle of wits and guts between the two captains begins. How accurate it is doesn’t really matter, even if Captain Phillips is actually an arrogant jerk, this is still a riveting set-up.

Of course we’re going to like Tom Hanks in the role, and of course he’s going to seem like a great guy. The real story is Barkhad Abdi, I guess, who many say turns in a masterful performance. He’s good, but I found the character of Muse confusing: I never quite understood where he was coming from. While get a Catherine Keener-inclusive look at Phillips’ home life, what we see of Muse in Somalia left me scratching my head. Does he want to prove himself because everyone looks down at him? Is he uniquely greedy or arrogant? What is life really like in that village? Does he really have no other options – it’s be a pirate or die? I’m not sure.

Like I said, Captain Phillips doesn’t really worry about the greater narrative in favor of submerging you in the tension of the hijacking. And it’s pretty thrilling to watch. Needless to say, it’s not easy for four guys in a dingy to capture a freighter, nor is it easy to stand up to dudes with machine guns when you’re a civilian sailor. Really, I only fault the movie for being a bit confusing with the timeline: Some events are really drawn out, other times it cuts between scenes without making it clear just how long we’ve been gone. 134 minutes is a long time to be on the edge of your seat, and by the end I wasn’t even sure if asking myself “is this when it happens” was coming from a place of terror or boredom. As John theorized, maybe both.

Captain Phillips is fun. Greengrass’ trademark shaky cam pairs really nicely with an intense hostage situation and the great performances on display here. Once you’ve checked out Gravity, you should probably go see this movie. And then, I dunno, Before Midnight. Gotta simmer down a little before your heart pounds right out of your chest.

Shocktober: Day 13

AVP: Alien vs. Predator (2004)

Yet again I have found myself behind schedule with the grueling demands of Shocktober. This is the second time I’ve had to replace a good film that I didn’t finish with a much shittier film. It’s okay though, shitty can be fun. What am I gonna do about those better films? I think I’ll review them in November just cause. Today were talking about AVP: Alien vs. Predator. Even though this was a film that nerds had been having wet dreams about for years, the end results were a nightmare.

Is this really horror? I like to think that just because something has lasers doesn’t mean it can’t be scary. What’s scarier than violent monsters from outer space? That was the question that noted auteur Paul W.S. Anderson sought out to answer. You know Paul W.S Anderson as the genius behind such masterpieces as; Mortal Kombat, Death Race, and Resident Evil 1, 4, and 5 (Resident Evil 2 and 3 can suck my dick). I take it that PWSA gets all his inspiration from playing with action figures, because that’s about the level of sophistication he’s operating on.

AVP tells the heartwarming story of a forgettable archaeological exploration team (sans Lance Henriksen) that stumbles upon an ancient alien ruin, and then the Predators show up and start killin’ everybody. I don’t remember what set in motion the Aliens and the Predators facing off and I don’t care to find out. The whole reason anyone sees this movie is to see lots of intergalactic guts. Which is why the film’s biggest “Fuck You!” is the fact that this is PG-13. So what do we have here? No good violence, not much of a cast to speak of, and two adversaries that can’t talk. Goops!

My favorite part of the “story” is when the humans discover the Predators are basically responsible for establishing ancient human culture. Supposedly, the Predators taught man how to build the pyramids and were gods to the humans. So they have fuckin’ spaceships but they only teach man how to build pyramids? How is it that there’s no record (aside from these ruins) about the former rulers of the planet? Whatever, they were just stoked to be gods, that’s all. I applaud Anderson for trying to come up with a new idea. Too bad it’s the worst idea I’ve ever heard.

There’s little I remember about AVP, which is probably for the best, but I do have one good memory. I saw this in a theater that was directly across from a hotel where then president George W. Bush was staying. Try and find something scarier than that!

Below is an informative video about all the kills in AVP
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e8AzlF4murw

My Haim Is True

Haim – Days Are Gone

So this is what now passes for indie rock. The genre that was always intended to be an edgy alternative to the soothing sounds of Top 40, and now practically sounds inseparable from the very kinds of music it was always railing against. Haim seem to be just one of the latest examples of how futile it’s become in trying to label whatever it means to be “indie” nowadays. Which is something I feel like I should be a little disheartened by… but nahhh. Because honestly, Days Are Gone is about as stacked with well-crafted pop hooks as any album I’ve heard in a while, even if it is rife with a sugary sweetness that I still can’t help but feel a mild embarrassment for liking.

Haim are three sisters from L.A., which I suppose is something you could figure out just by looking at them, though their talent is probably deeper than you might think. Take for instance the album’s clean-cut production. I just figured that these girls came into the studio, laid down some very pleasant vocal tracks and left the rest of the instrumentation to some well-honed studio musicians. But alas, after watching some live performances from these sisters, it’s become apparent that this album’s pop-infused precision is completely forged from Haim’s own dainty hands, plus some drummer dude backing them up. But musicianship aside, what makes Days Are Gone an album that I’ve surprisingly come back to a lot, is Haim’s knack for punchy little ditties that are bound to get stuck in your head if you give them a chance.

Another thing that makes this feel like a pure pop album in the traditional sense, is that it’s pretty frontloaded with great material. The first five tracks are some undeniably delicious pieces of earcandy, while the rest of the album is maybe not quite as memorable, though it certainly does nothing to diminish the feel-good vibes that this album gives off. I’ll admit that if I wasn’t currently living in Haim’s backyard of Southern California, this might not seem like the best music for this time of year. But fortunately, the incessant L.A. sunshine still appears to be seeping its way in to my music listening habits, and though it may not be summer anymore, Days Are Gone still feels just right.

Favorite Tracks: “Falling”, “The Wire”, “Honey & I”

Shocktober: Day 12

Saw (2004)

I don’t think anyone ever expected Saw to be the biggest horror franchise of the 2000s. How does something like that even happen? Is it the gore? Or maybe it’s more than that? What sets Saw apart is what happens before the gore. Morally questionable individuals are put into Rube Goldberg-like devices where they must take harm on their own bodies to survive. These “Traps” are what put Saw a few steps above something like Hostel or Turistas. That being said I definitely have my issues with this movie and the direction the series went in.

Saw begins with two men: photographer Adam Stanheight (Leigh Whannell) and Dr. Lawrence Gordon (Cary Elwes) waking up in industrial washroom. Both men are chained at the ankle to pipes at opposite ends of the room. Between them a corpse and a cassette player. Adam and Gordon each find tapes in their pockets that when played, reveal they have been put there because each of them has done something wrong. Gordon is given the choice to either kill Adam by six ‘o clock (which will also save his captured wife and daughter) or use a saw that Adam finds to cut off his own leg. Now ain’t that a dilly of a pickle?

Meanwhile, a police officer played by Danny Glover (who is far too old for this shit) is tracking down the same man responsible for the trap, “The Jigsaw Killer”. The killer’s shtick being to take people who have abused life and put them into scenarios where they must sacrifice something (usually a body part) to survive. The concept and stakes are high, which result in one of the more inventive horror movies to come along in awhile.

I like the premise and the concept of a killer who makes people kill themselves but that doesn’t stop Saw from avoiding horror cliches. Fake scares, overly flashy camera effects/filters, and melodramatic dialogue are just in present in Saw as any other straight to dvd shlockfest. Cary Elwes, Danny Glover, and the film’s villain Tobin Bell are definitely a step above the kind of people you usually seen in these movies but I need more. The reason I’m so hard on Saw is that it was so close to being something truly great. Instead it’s a a very typical horror movie with a very untypical plot. Don’t even get me started on the endless parade of sequels. To believe that someone could continue to trap so many people, especially after the circumstances the villain fell under in the third movie makes the sequels in this franchise a complete joke. Still, I did like the original when I saw it in theaters… See what I did there?

“This one’s for Robin Hood: Men in Tights!”

Shocktober: Day 11

Dawn of the Dead (2004)

I would be shocked to learn if this film was made for any other reason than “I want money! Gimme! Gimme! Gimme!” Though I do recognize a genuine attempt to make something worthwhile. The film was directed by the highly visual if not extremely hit or miss Zack Snyder (Man of Steel, Watchmen) and written by writer/director B-movie hero James Gunn (Slither, Super, and the upcoming Guardians of the Galaxy). These aren’t normally the people you’d expect to see on this kind of project. Normally, these horror remakes are cheap and uninspired gore-fests. Dawn, on the other hand, is a grindhouse movie that has received full Hollywood blockbuster treatment.

The film opens with Ana (Sarah Polley), a nurse returning home from a hectic day. An emergency TV bulletin comes up and but she and her man are too busy making the sexy time. The next day they wake up and the apocalypse begins. Their now zombie neighbor enters their bedroom and infects Ana’s husband, she makes a run for the car and makes it by the skin of her teeth. Did I mention the zombies in this movie run? That’s dumb. Why would someone who’s died gain superhuman abilities? Then again, it’s never made sense why zombies can rip people open with their bare hands so whaddya gonna do? Eventually, Ana meets a police officer named Kenneth (Ving Rhames) and they, along with a few other survivors hold up in a shopping mall.

Aside from the whole, “holding up in a mall” the film shares few similarities with the original Romero film. On one hand, it’s good that they took it in their own direction, on the other, why not make a new movie entirely? It’s like they wanted to separate themselves form the original but still piggyback off its name. Aside from the beginning, which I will admit is entertaining, I don’t care for much else that happens. There’s a bunch of violent confrontations, a sequence in some heavily armed buses, and a zombie baby. Yes, you heard me correctly, an infected woman gives birth to a zombie baby. It’s as stupid as it sounds.

Dawn of the Dead has a few bold visuals. Perhaps the most memorable being an opening montage of chaotic news footage set to Johnny Cash’s “The Man Comes Around”. But there’s little else that we haven’t already seen done better. Yet this movie has quite a following. Just so you think I’m not some lone nut, here’s an article by Whatculture on why this movie sucks.

Zombie baby’s day out!