2011

There were 237 posts published in 2011 (this is page 7 of 34).

Shocktober: Day 27

House of the Dead (2003)

Back when I was a lad we had a computer in the basement that had House of the Dead. Of course the combination of shooting things and zombies instantly won me over and it quickly became my favorite on-rails shooter. Then this dick you may have heard of named Uwe Boll decided to shit on this beloved franchise by making the worst video game movie I’ve ever seen. It doesn’t take a brain surgeon to figure out that an arcade shooter probably isn’t the best basis for a film. Still, Uwe Boll went forward with this nightmarish rave-centric shlockfest that somehow has an even less structured storyline then the game. As a matter of fact, this film doesn’t seem to be about anything, it’s just a bunch of Matrix wannabe bullshit that simultaneously embarrasses both the action and horror genre.

The setup follows a group of teens who head to an island for a rave only to discover it’s been taken over by zombies. The film is over-narrated by some really bland guy who thinks he’s hot shit, I don’t remember his name, I can’t remember any of the character’s names. No one in this movie has any defining characteristics and they only exist so that the film can have a hefty body count. I can barely keep anyone straight except for this one captain played by Jurgen Prochnow named “Captain Kirk” which is supposed to be funny… It’s not. Who are these people? What’s going on? Where’s the house? I guess they do find a house eventually, but it’s not important enough to justify that title. Maybe something like “Island of the Dead” or “Rave of the Dead” would have made more sense.

If this film wasn’t called “House of the Dead” I never would of made the connection, that’s how much it deviates. The only thing even remotely connecting the movie and game is that the movie uses actual clips from the game in-between transitions, which makes absolutely no sense. Not even the action in this film reminds me of the game, how hard is it to get that part right? This is just a bunch of slow-mo, Matrix shit, except with none of the same style. Who made this movie a twelve year old? THIS IS A TRAVESTY! HOW CAN THIS BE SO BAD!!!

On top of it all, it doesn’t seem to be about anything. There’s an island with monsters but why? I guess it’s because of this bad guy they run into named Castillo? Many years ago Castillo injected himself with an “immortality serum” that for no reason exists, so he created zombies or something. I have no idea what he’s trying to accomplish, he’s just a bad guy cause this movie needed one. So basically, all copies of this his film should be burned right now and Uwe Boll should be put to death. I’m offended not only as a horror fan but as a general movie fan and as a rational human being.

If You’re Feeling Feisty

Feist – Metals

I’ve been waiting for this for a long time. I know a lot of people were sucked into the world of Feist by “1234,” but I actually didn’t get The Reminder until well after those commercials were relevant. The song that did it for me was “I Feel It All,” which I still maintain is her best song and a pretty great music video. Then I got into Broken Social Scene and realized I liked Feist even more. Alas, a new Feist album seemed to be ever looming on the horizon, never within reach. Well, Metals finally showed up this month and while it’s not as revolutionary as I might have hoped, it’s certainly not something to be missed.

Probably the most important thing you need to know about Metals is that you will never hear any song from it in an iPod commercial. Firstly, because they don’t make iPod commercials anymore and Apple doesn’t really double dip anyway. Secondly, because this album is entirely devoid of poppy hits-in-waiting. Metals is a soft album. So soft, if we didn’t have microphones, you’d probably have to be standing right in front of Feist just to hear her voice. And come on, we all know you’d be pretty embarrassed in that situation.

Thanks to iTunes, a lot of people are wondering if the album is a dying idea. Metals serves as a reminder for why the album is a great concept. If Feist had just come out with a single, no matter what track she chose, it would lose in comparison to “1234.” Instead, she got put out a whole bunch of songs, still lose in comparison to “1234” and keep me and people like me quite happy.

Favorite Tracks: “The Bad in Each Other,” “The Circle Married the Line,” “Bittersweet Melodies”

The Best Thing to Come from The Polyphonic Spree

St. Vincent – Strange Mercy

Baroque pop is a silly term. Moving on, the first St. Vincent album I heard was Actor, her second record. I really liked the first song, “The Strangers,” but the rest of it didn’t really stick with me. Why that is is probably worth investigation and analysis, but I have not the time nor the desire to really dig into Actor once more. I can tell you I have a strong memory associated with it riding a train in Paris, but that’s neither here nor there. I’ve just used “nor” two sentences in a row, so you can tell I’ve got a lot of positive things to say about Strange Mercy, St. Vincent’s third album.

It all starts with a song called “Chloe in the Afternoon,” a jarring, distorted number that seems to be about bondage or some other deviant activity with horse-hair whips and heels. Then we move on to “Cruel,” a surprisingly jaunty tune about well, I think you can guess. It’s these juxtapositions that serve as Strange Mercy‘s greatest strength, songs are equally likely to feature a chunky-as-hell guitar as they are a beautiful, ripped-from-a-musical string section. St. Vincent is doing something, perhaps not unheard of, but certainly distinct.

This isn’t an easy album, in that if you listen to the lyrics, it sounds like St. Vincent is going through a bit of an existential crisis. But damnit, even without listening to the lyrics, this would be an album worth hearing. There’s a complexity to it that makes it feel like I’m actually being treated like an adult by my music. And as we push forward in these depressing times, maybe it’s good to be reminded that there’s more to music than the escapism of shuffling along to “Party Rock Anthem.”

Favorite Tracks: “Cruel,” “Northern Lights,” “Year of the Tiger”

Within and Without You

Washed Out – Within and Without

I’ve been listening to Within and Without by Washed Out for the past few months and it’s probably one of my favorites of the year. That means I should probably write something about it. So, here I am, writing about music again. It feels… uncomfortable. Not just because I haven’t done it in a while, but because Washed Out’s genre, chillwave, is one that is designed not to inspire. It’s the minimalistic music of the recession-era, or at least that’s what Wikipedia tells me.

Wikipedia tells me some other perplexing things. It tells me chillwave music is meant to be danced to, but frankly the idea of a chillwave dance is ghastly. It also tells me Panda Bear is basically the father of the genre and he has a new album out this year too, called Tomboy. But, while I recognize the similarities between Panda Bear and Washed Out and fully understand how people could called Washed Out derivative, it’s Within and Without that really stuck with me this year, not Tomboy.

As I think music like this probably should, Within and Without has a very clean sound to it. Most every song starts simple and builds up. That’s a really generic sentence, but I’m leaving it in. At times I was reminded of Animal Collective or Beach House as I listened to these carefully arranged electronic sounds overcome me. And while certainly a few tracks stood out to me, I really feel the album is best taken as a whole. It’s super pleasant to listen to, one of my favorites for driving or working. That’s all I want out of music, most of the time. Something pleasant to keep me company in the world.

Favorite Tracks: “Eyes Be Closed,” “Before,” “A Dedication”

Shocktober: Day 26

Jason X (2001)

I saw this film when it was still new to home video (sure sounds weird to say that now) and even back then I thought it was one of the dumbest things I’d ever seen, though I was 13 and you know how cynical teenagers can be. But no seriously this has to be the worst installment of The Friday the 13th series, true I’ve probably only seen about four of them but as we all know space is always a last ditch attempt for a dying franchise. As if Jason wasn’t already hard enough to kill in earlier entries this time he becomes a cyborg half way into the movie after a medical station like rebuilds him? I try not to think about it because it gives me brain damage, but let’s see what if anything I can still recall.

So Jason (Kane Hodder) is captured by the U.S. Government in 2008 and after several failed attempts to kill him they decide to cryogenically freeze him in the distant year of 2010. 445 years later on the new planet Earth 2, a group of students and their android friend take a field trip to Jason’s research facility and find Jason frozen along with Rowan LaFontaine (Lexa Doig) a government scientist, so the students decide to take back both of them to their spaceship. Of course as we all know coming into any kind of contact with Jason means certain death and that’s basically what happens, it’s new packaging but still the same old shit inside.

There’s a few new elements to this installment like androids, some kind of alternate reality simulator that takes Jason back to Crystal Lake, and robo-Jason but really it’s another desperate attempt to reignite a dying franchise. I think you can already predict that it ends with Jason being sucked into the space but what does it matter? They’re just gonna keep making these so why should I care about anything that happens in these movies? As a matter of fact they did another installment just two years later with Freddy vs. Jason. I get why other horror franchises like Nightmare on Elm Street have had a lot of sequels. Nightmare has lots of possibilities with the dream world and a charismatic villain, but what does Friday the 13th have? It’s just another mute moron killing machine with literally no personality or interesting characteristics and what, there’s like 12 of them? Whatever, fuck this shit this is pissing me off!

I should probably post some pic or video or something but whatever I’m too pissed off.

Old Balls

Moneyball

Moneyball was an interesting experience for me. When I first heard they were turning the hit book into a movie, I was halfway through a book entitled The Book. That book is a straight up text book read, and although it’s extremely well written and interesting, it is definitely not an easy read. There are no stories, no background, no people or characters, just numbers. Pages and pages of charts and tables, while educational, can lull you to sleep.

That is always the false impression I’d gathered from people talking about Moneyball. So when the rumors of a movie came out, I didn’t think it was going to work, but I was still very excited. Because, you know, baseball.

When started the book, I was amazed. Not that it was the greatest thing I’ve ever read, but it wasn’t a textbook! There were characters! Michael Lewis does a great job setting the scene of Billy’s past, the draft room, the video room, it’s all clear in my mind. There are, of course, more number heavy sections, like when he’s explaining fielding metrics and the different statistic companies that arose independently. But all these gory details could easily be eliminated for the big screen without taking away from the book, and it worked well.

The only real problems I had with the movie were when sometimes it was a little too obvious that they were cramming ideas from the book into made-up scenes from the movie. The most obvious part to me for instance, was the whole David Justice being old balls. In the book, it’s easier for Michael Lewis to just explain to the readers who David Justice is, and how his balls are old and slow. But without a narrator, they had to try to cram it in by having some bimbo TV reporter be like, “Hey, I heard you suck and are old as balls, is that true? How are you going to be able to play with such old balls?”

I’m paraphrasing obviously, but the way the TV reporter acted took me right out of it, because TV reporters are little pussies, and would never say something that direct and upfront. Maybe if they had an old crusty columnist, it would have worked better.

I wasn’t a huge fan of Brad Pitt in the role, even though he won me over more and more as the movie went on. I thought the movie as a whole kind of portrayed Beane as dumber than he really is, and I felt it made him seem like every idea was Jonah Hills, even though I thought Beane had been interested in Bill James before he met DePodesta, but I could be wrong.

Overall, I really liked the movie, and when it comes to baseball movies, it’s probably my favorite. It combines my interest with sabermetrics and my love of baseball, to something I think we all love, a good underdog story. Despite how I can’t stand the A’s and how boring they are and how they are, or the fact they are division rivals, it’s still a great movie and I’m glad it came together how it did.