T3: Sitcoms That Aren’t Seinfeld

Because you know that Seinfeld would be my number one. My apologies to Home Improvement and other shows that I appreciate but were before my time. They just didn’t effect my life as much. Also I didn’t count shows like Family Guy or South Park, just cause it didn’t feel right. My rules, bitches.

10. Malcolm in the Middle
One of few shows to really capture just how bizarre and dysfunctional a family can be, Malcolm in the Middle is remembered for its zany comedy and brutal honesty. Yes, the show got increasingly less realistic as it went on, but the laughs kept on coming. Now Frankie Muniz is a race car driver.

9. Scrubs
Finding a perfect balance between drama and slapstick comedy, Scrubs was a true pioneer during its first few seasons. Sadly the show has not been as strong since the end of season five, downplaying the hospital setting significantly. Due to the WGA strike the seventh (and final) season got really messed up. Here’s hoping that this show gets a proper finale.

8. Frasier
Probably the smartest show ever to gain widespread popularity, Frasier is the thinking person’s sitcom. But don’t let that scare you away, if you just pay attention you’ll have a great time with this classic. In fact, if I had seen more of the show it would probably be higher on this list.

7. It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Always pushing the limits of late night basic cable, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia is arguably the most laugh-out-loud funny show on TV right now. The characters are all horrible people, but that just enhances their comedic value. Plus, come on, Danny DeVito.

6. The Office
The American version of the British classic (which, like Extras, isn’t on this list because it was never aired on American TV) is smart, sweet, funny, everything you could want from a show. Who would have guessed that the monotony of a workplace made for such a great show. The Office has been golden since the second season, let’s hope it lasts.

5. Futurama
Here’s a great show that Fox boned. Futurama is the story of a 20th Century man transported to the 30th Century. Another great show that is smart, funny, and occasionally profound. Let’s pray that the movies lead to more new episodes.

4. Everybody Loves Raymond
The definitive family sitcom of our time. This show is a real classic, with almost as many tender moments as hilarious sequences. Ray, Debra, Robert, Marie and Frank Barone are as real as fictional characters get. Peter Boyle, you are missed.

3. Curb Your Enthusiasm
Larry David plays himself in a show that shows just how hard it is to be Larry David. Whether he’s accidentally coming off as racist or getting in petty arguments, Larry never seems to get it right. Which is what makes the show so great.

2. Friends
Probably the show that comes to people’s mind the fast upon hearing the word “sitcom,” Friends certainly deserved all the clone shows it had. Joey simple-minded antics, Chandler’s vicious sarcasm, Monica’s obsessive-compulsive cleaning, this show is much more than Seinfeld with more ladies. Yeah, it got a little to romance-oriented at the end, but whatever, Friends rocks.

1. The Simpsons
This was still probably pretty predictable. Let’s face it, The Simpsons was a real pioneer in animation and comedy. The first ten or so season are phenomenal. It’s not so great nowadays, but can you blame them? There’s a lot of truth to the old adage, “Simpsons did it.” Plus they still deliver a laugh or two every week.

Can’t wait to find out what problem John has with my list this time.

T3: Mariner Dream Team

Since I am so one dimensional John said I should do the top ten Mariner players. Instead I opted to do a dream team of sorts. I will take one player from each position including DH, and assemble the best on paper Mariner team you’d ever seen.

1. Starting Pitcher

The M’s have sure had their share of great starting pitching, from hall of famer Gaylord Perry with 300+ wins to soft tossing senior citizen Jamie Moyer. But obviously the one pitcher who left his special mark in M’s history would have to be none other than the man behind the mullet, Randy Johnson. Johnson was arguably the most dominant pitcher of his time, he has won 5 Cy Young awards, including the ’95 season. He single handedly swung the M’s into the playoffs that year with the 1 game playoff against the Angels where he held them to just 1 run.

2. Catcher

Well considering Dave Valle can suck my balls, I’ll have to give this one to Dan Wilson #2. Dan Wilson was not only a lovable guy, he was one of the best defensive catchers of the 90’s. He made one all star appearance in 1996, and probably would have made more if he wasn’t competing with Pudge.

3. 1st Base

Alvin Davis made his Mariner Debut in 1984 when he was awarded Rookie of the year where he batted .284/.391/.497, hit 27 home runs and drove in 116. His career statistics were not quite considered hall of fame numbers, but he is Mr. Mariner, So I put him on the squad.

4. 2nd Base

Now for everyone’s favorite sexual harassing 2nd basemen, Harold Reynolds. Reynolds was the M’s 2nd basemen from 1983 to 1992. He won 3 gold glove awards and regularly led the league in double plays. My favorite Baseball Tonight Analyst will be sorely missed, he’s just gotta keep his hands off those ta-ta’s.

5. 3rd Base

I searched through all the third basemen the Mariners have had and the only one that really jumped out at me was current Mariner Adrien Beltre. Some people complain about his contract and how he hasn’t replicated his 48 homer year w/ the Dodgers, but who can blame him? He finally won his first gold glove last year and it was long over due. He makes plays I can’t even dream of making. He has improved every year since we got him and he is only 28 years old. Hopefully he will be a Mariner for years to come.

6. Shortstop

Maybe some people will disagree with me here, but that is because they are stupid. I like to call him the best shortstop on the Yankees right now, and his name is Alex Rodriguez. I don’t know how much more can be said about this guy, but he is something. You can’t hate him all you want for leaving for money, but he signed and played for the Mariners against his agent’s will and played for under the league average in salary for 6 years. He is incredible in the field, and even more so at the plate, and I hope he gets a ring, and I hope he breaks Bonds record, and I hope he gets 61. I love A-Rod.

7. Outfield

Since the M’s have never had a left fielder worth even glancing at, I’m just going to pick 3 Outfielders. The first is my guy, Jay Buhner. Introducing the Pacific Northwest to the greatness of baldness, Jay Buhner. Although his style is much like our pal Big Richie, Buhner managed to his above .250 making all his bombs even more special. He hit 40 home runs 3 times from 1995-1997, and was an intrical part of the two play off runs. I love seeing him at spring training every year and I hope he can stay a presence in the organization

Number 2 is Ichiro Suzuki. By far the best lead off hitter of his time. I really don’t know what to say. Seven 200 hit seasons, record 262 hits in a season, 7 Gold Gloves, and the list goes on. With a newly inked 5 year contract, our outfield defense won’t be all the disaster it should.

AND FINALLY, the kid. George Kenneth Griffey Jr. The greatest center fielder to every play the game. A swing that makes hitting coaches weak at the knees. Range and defensive prowess that make managers cringe, hoping he won’t injure him self. Let’s just pray he’ll be back in a year’s time, roaming the outfield that he built with his own hands.

10. DH

Edgar Martinez. The most lovable of them all. One of the greatest professional hitters this world or any other has seen. Numbers are besides the point when you watch this man take that lumber and drive the ball to all areas of the field. He made the designated hitter a legitimate baseball position, and for all you asshole national leaguers out there, we had Edgar. Bud Selig had the right idea in naming the DH award, the Edgar Martinez award. Beautiful Beautiful man.

This took far to long and now I must play wiffleball.

T3: The Wessman Cometh

Well this weeks T3 is about none other than Cat Fancy’s very own Colin Wessman, for today (February 28th) is his birthday. So I went around asking the people that know Colin best to shine some light on what makes Colin the best Colin that he can be.

So what do people say about Colin?

1. “It’s all about that occasional dry wit, that’s when Colin shines.” – John Otteni

2. “He’s funny, he just don’t give a shit.” – Rev. Matt “Nancy Carstens

3. “He’s a snappy dresser.” – Sean Lemme

4. In context to Rock Band “He’s the only one that can do most of the expert drum parts” – Peter Williams

5. “He has like no emotions, and that’s cool.” – Paul Otteni

6. “I Love his singing voice.” – Jake Waluconis

7. “No offense, but are you just a really big fan of Harry Potter” – Waitress at IHOP

8. “He looks like he’s going to eat a baby” – Peter Olund (Back in Junior High)

9. “Happy New Year” – Nick Black (from Myspace)

And the best for last

10. “Colin is a great person; he is a hard worker, athlete and my personal favorite a friend. I like Colin for several reasons, 1)He is not uptight and is always ready to have a good time. Colin is someone I can be around and just him and I talk and have a good time by most of the time 2)joking. Colin though silent if you do not know him can produce some of the funniest improv that brilliantly feeds off of a previous comment. My favorite joke Colin made is when he was driving back to Dick’s in Matt’s’ car and he did the arm thing that Matt does. Just purely hilarious. I also like Colin because he 3) enjoys my stories. Not many people can appreciate the truth of many historical events but thankfully I have Colin to believe. Lastly, 4) Colin knows Dan which automatically makes him a really likable guy that he is.” – Kevin Lemme

And there you have it.

T3: Bill Murray Movies

Sorry this is up so late, I had a lot of driving to do today.

Here are the rules this week: Bill Murray had to play a starring role (Ed Wood and Royal Tenenbaums don’t count), I have to have seen the film.

Bill Murray is perhaps my favorite actor. His style of comedy really works with me, and I think he’s made a lot of great films over the years. Here are the 10 best:

10. Kingpin

1996

Look, I know that Bill Murray doesn’t get the most screen time in this movie, but he does play the main villain. And Scrooged just doesn’t belong on this list. So deal with it. King Pin isn’t the greatest movie, but it does have some jokes that warrant a laugh and Bill Murray’s funny in it, at least. It’s not bad.

9. What About Bob?

1991

Perhaps not the defining work of Bill Murray’s career, What About Bob still provides plenty of laughs by pitting the intellectual psychiatrist Richard Dreyfuss against an obsessive-compulsive Bill Murray. The situations are amusing, both actors do a fine job, and you know, it’s fun to watch.

8. Stripes
1981

Harold Ramis and Bill Murray take on the military in this comedy classic. While most people seem to forget that there’s more to this movie that the parts in boot camp, the whole film is hilarious. Whether its Bill Murray leading the troops with “Do Wah Diddy Diddy,” or John Candy mud-wrestling, this is a lot of fun.

7. Broken Flowers
2005

Ah, modern Bill Murray. While it looked like this would just be some really depressing story about midlife crisis, its actually just a kind-of depressing story about midlife crisis. Don Johnston sets out on a journey to meet five women that could have mothered his child years ago. The journey we take is an emotional one, but it still has plenty of laughs. Why don’t you check it out, I did rank it higher than Stripes.

6. Caddyshack

1980

I had a tough time deciding whether or not this film counted. I think in the end, though, despite the strength of the rest of the cast, Bill Murray gets mentioned a lot when people talk about this film. So I put it on here. But to be fair, I kept it out of the top 5. And you know what? There’s nothing you can do about it. Seriously though, if you haven’t seen this movie, might as well go do it. It one of the golden comedies, like Animal House.

5. The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou
2004

How controversial! I loved this movie. A lot of people did not. This is definitely one of those movies you either get or you don’t. It seems like the majority don’t. But you know, this is my list. I probably shouldn’t have ranked it so high, but it’s because of you haters out there that it ended up this far back. I making this a rule from now on, if it’s #5-1 on this list, you should see it.

4. Lost in Translation
2003

Bill Murray does Japan. His name’s Bob Harris this time around, and he’s an American actor doing commercials in Japan while going through midlife crisis. Scarlett Johansen is staying in the same hotel with her husband. She meets Bob and we get to see a very interesting love story unfold. Waist-deep in Japanese culture, comedy, and romance, Lost in Translation is one of those movies that really sticks with you.

3. Rushmore

1998

Arguably Wes Anderson’s greatest film so far, Rushmore pits Bill Murray against Jason Schwartzman in a contest to win the affection elementary school teacher Olivia Williams. This is a brilliant little film that totally blew me away the first time I saw it. It was also the starting point of Murray’s “second career” in more tragic comedy films.

2. Ghostbusters
1984

Do I even need to give a reason for this? Nope.

1. Groundhog Day
1993

One of the funniest films ever made, I have watched this dozens of times and enjoyed each viewing. The story is a classic, the characters are great, the execution is phenomenal. If you didn’t like this film, I don’t know what the hell is wrong with you. Maybe you hate movies. You jerk. I hate you. Damn, sorry about that. It’s just that Groundhog Day kicks ass. Watch it. If you’ve seen it before, watch it again.

Another list, complete. Go out and get your Bill Murray on!

T3: Most Anticipated Movies of 2008

This is a little feature I figured I’d do. I call it “T3,” for “Top Ten Thursdays.” Hopefully I’ll get these posted a little earlier in the future.

This week’s T3 is on my most-anticipated films of 2008. The movies that already came out have been disqualified. Unsurprisingly, the list is full of mainly franchise films, but hey, it is what it is.

10. Speed Racer
May 9

The Wachowskis, hot off the controversial, but ultimately enjoyable, V For Vendetta bring us the live-action remake of the classic cartoon. Sure, the cast seems a little odd, and the trailer is a total trip, but any opportunity to see John Goodman on the big screen is a rare treat. Personally, I think this movie just might be entertaining.

9. Get Smart
June 20

The highly anticipated remake of the classic TV series. Not exciting enough. Here’s the cast: Steve Carell, Anne Hathaway, Masi Oka (that guy from Heroes), Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, Bill Murray and Patrick Warburton. There are some other people too. Now, Peter Segal doesn’t have the strongest track record, but I think this will be one of his good ones.

8. Be Kind Rewind
February 22

Jack Black and Mos Def run a video store. Jack Black accidentally destroys all the tapes. Hilarity ensues. I’m one of those people that really enjoyed Eternal Sunshine and I heard really good things about The Science of Sleep. So I have faith in Michel Gondry, and with a cast this great, how can it not be funny? I hope that’s a question without an answer.

7. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
November 22/December 19

Fincher + Pitt usually turns out pretty well. Fincher + Pitt + Blanchett + F. Scott Fitzgerald? Sign me up. It’s even coming out around Oscar season, maybe he can actually get some recognition this time. Anyway, I just saw a Walmart commercial that used “Dancing in the Moonlight.” I totally made that song.

6. The Happening
Friday, the 13th of June

I’ve pretty much enjoyed everything Shyamalan has given us, even The Village and Lady in the Water. I bet you don’t even know what the plot is, do you? Plants are shooting out gas that makes people commit suicide. That’s awesome. Sounds like a Hard R. I hope so.

5. The Incredible Hulk
June 13

The casting is a lot better this time around, and even though I haven’t seen any of Louis Leterriers’ films, I’ve got a pretty good feeling about this one. Maybe it’s just John’s optimism transferring over to me. Maybe I’ll feel different after the trailer. Who knows. All I know is that right now, it sounds good.

4. Iron Man
May 2

Perfect choices in casting and directing have led me to believe that this will be an incredible experience come this May. By now everyone except John’s Dad has seen the trailer, so, what else is there to say? Looks great.

3. WALL-E
June 27

From the people who brought you Finding Nemo comes a post-apocalyptic story with largely no dialogue. The story sounds unique, profound and touching. This is the movie we’re all gonna be talking about. Perhaps, the E.T. of this generation?

2. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
May 22

Rocky, John McClane, Rambo, Indy. We are truly living in the time of the aged bad ass hero. One thing all these revivals have been is good, and I don’t think Spielberg will be the one to break that trend. Harrison Ford looks good in the roll and is playing his age. My only problem with the film is its lengthy title. And I blame George Lucas for that. I get the feeling he’s been a negative influence on the whole project. But whatever, it’ll rock.

1. The Dark Knight
July 18

Not to be confused with the classic Black Knight, what we have here is the sequel to Batman Begins, the film that instantly invalidated all other cinematic incarnations of Batman. With the same team, minus Katie Holmes and plus the late Heath Ledger, this film has incredible scribbled in blood red all over it. If you’ve seen the trailer, how can you not be anxiously awaiting that hot day in July when you finally get to plop down into that theater seat and watch this epic unfold in front of you?

So, what did we learn from this experience? Well, writing about 10 things takes a while. Also, a lot of stuff comes out in June. Until the next time, faithful readers!