T3: Worst Baseball Uniforms

Watching the last Mariners game against Kansas City something caught my eye. Those cheesy powder blue alternate uniforms. Some people are fans of it, I’m not but it got me to thinking about some of the crazy uniforms I’ve seen in photos or archival footage… Visions of those pitiful Pittsburgh Pirates hats of the seventies come to mind. So for a larf, I assembled in my eyes the worst baseball uniforms to ever grace the diamond. It’s tough narrowing down a hundred something years but if anything these will tickle your fancy.

10. Baltimore Orioles – 1971
Had trouble precisely pinpointing when and for how long these were worn. At least for the 1971 season where the Orioles kicked some major ass. Led by sluggers Frank Robinson and Boog Powell, all star third baseman Brooks Robinson and four pitchers who won 20 games, they went 101-57! All while wearing flashy prison jumpsuits.

9. Pittsburgh Pirates – 1902
A good team at the time, I mean this was the era of Honus Wagner after all, but can you believed they actually wore this? It’d be a pretty standard uniform for the time if it wasn’t for those bizarre sleeves. Blue and Pink? It’s like some kind of candy cane nightmare, or as I prefer to call them “Waldo sleeves” in honor of everyone’s favorite misguided tourist.

8. Cleveland Indians – 1970s
It’s hard to find a photo that truly captures the crapiness of the 70s tribe but trust me, they were none too good. Seriously though, this has to be the ugliest shade of red I’ve ever seen, sometimes it looks magenta. This isn’t a great example pic but the font is as well a cluttered mess, most of the alternates were equally lame. I don’t know who Frank Duffy is but I’m honored to have him on this list.

7. Chicago White Sox – 1982-1986
Who designed these a little kid? It’s so just so uninspired and bland. It’s amazing that it took the Sox so long to settle on their sweet Black and White design. They’ve easily had the worst history of uniforms… And if you look down a little further, I think you’ll find they can even do worse than this.

6. San Diego Padres – 2008-Present
How did I not know about these? I mean these are being worn to this day?!? Starting in 2008, the Padres donned these camouflage catastrophes to honor the troops. I’m all for supporting our troops but am I the only one who finds this to be in poor taste? The Padres have had a history of terrible uniforms but this one reigns supreme. The Padres aren’t bad they’ve just gone AWOL.

5. Chicago White Sox – 1925
Lucky to find a modern pic of this infamously bad uniform. Worn for road games in 1925 it looks like a train conductor’s pajamas. “All aboard for the dream train!” Poor White Sox, they just couldn’t get it right. Though it’s nice to see they have a good enough sense of humor to wear em again for a “Turn Back the Clock” night.

4. Houston Astros – 1975-1993
When they weren’t exploring strange new worlds the Houston Astros were a baseball team. Really the only way I can describe this is the equivalent to what you might see on a campy 70s sci-fi show. Known as the “Rainbow Guts” uniform this was made possible by the advent of synthetic fabrics and utilized to take advantage of color television. Worn from 1975 all the way up to 1993! These uniforms have quite a legacy and are an ever popular choice on “Turn Back the Clock” games, actually I think this one might just be so bad that it’s good.

3. New York Giants – 1916
The black and white photos just don’t do it justice, so here I opted for this illustration. It’s hard representing some of the early uniforms as pictures are sparse but I just had to find a way to acknowledge this plaid nightmare. Can you believe the legendary John McGraw coached a team wearing these vomit inducing uniforms? I hear they did better the next season, I wonder why.

2. Pittsburgh Pirates – 1970s
: If it isn’t bad enough to be dressed like a bumblebee, how about we put a pot on your head? How else could you describe the infamous caps the Pirates donned throughout the seventies? The teams spandex pants were pretty embarrassing but I don’t think anything haunts my dreams more than those hats.

1. Chicago White Sox – 1976
: Who wears short shorts? They wear short, shorts. It’s dumbfounding that this goofy garb was actually worn by a team of pro athletes but on August 8, 1976 it happened. Worn for only a single game (the first of a two header) against Kansas City this has gone down as one of the most embarrassing moments in White Sox history. On the brightside the Sox actually won that game 5-2 with four stolen bases. With it’s fanned out collar, high sleeves and well “short, shorts” this takes the cake. I only wish the current Sox would don these uniforms again for a theme night, I mean who wouldn’t want to see Bobby Jenks in short shorts?

Honorable Mention
Far too many, the 80s Phillies were pretty nauseating and the A’s have had a slew of uniforms that look like green and gold garbage.

T3: Take Me Out to the Ball Game

I’ve been putting this off for far too long. Though I’m not sure I’ve seen all the baseball flicks worth seeing. like the original Angels in the Outfield or The Bingo Long Traveling All Stars & Motor Kings. I’ll reckon I’ve seen enough to make this list. Yes this is my “Top 10 favorite Baseball Movies” in all it’s pride and glory. What makes a good baseball movie? Well in my opinion it’s got to have some good gameplay, plenty edge of your seat moments and a whole lotta heart. You may not agree with my choices, no Sandlot or Pride of the Yankees here, I find those movies overrated but hopefully you can enjoy it for what it is, play ball!

10. Bang the Drum Slowly (1973)
: Based on the 1956 Mark Harris’ novel of the same name, Bang the Drum Slowly tells the story of a relationship between ace pitcher Henry “Author” Wiggen (Michael Moriarty) and his slow but sweet friend, catcher Bruce Pearson (Robert De Niro). Both playing for the fictional New York Mammoths, in the middle of a winning season, things take a turn for the worse when Bruce is diagnosed with Hodgkin’s disease. Hiding it from the rest of the team, Bang the Drum Slowly is more or less the baseball equivalent to Brian’s Song. Though it never comes off as sappy and is definitely worth watching for De Niro’s performance. It’s a much different role than the charismatic loner’s De Niro usually plays, more sensitive and soft-spoken and very touching.

9. 61* (2001)
I wasn’t sure about the inclusion of made-for-TV movies but this one is just too good to ignore. Actor/well known Yankee fan Billy Crystal steps behind the camera to tell the story of the Yankees’ legendary 1961 season. When both Mickey Mantle (Thomas Jane) and Roger Maris’ (Barry Pepper) found themselves within pursuit of Babe Ruth’s single-season home run record of 60 set in 1927. One the team’s most beloved player, the other the quiet, soft-spoken midwesterner both creeping up on a record then thought untouchable. Presented in nostalgic fashion 61* is like your grandpa sitting down and regaling you with a great baseball story of yesteryear.

8. Eight Men Out (1988)
Coming in at number eight is Eight Men Out released in 1988… Damn that’s a lot of eights! This little slice of history chronicles the infamous “1919 Black Sox” scandal when eight players on the 1919 Chicago White Sox conspired to lose the World Series in order to rake in some major dough. A dark period in baseball well captured by noted indie director/screenwriter John Sayles, who excels at telling strong, politically aware stories. It’s also notable for it’s talented ensemble cast including; John Cusack, David Straithairn, Michael Rooker, Charlie Sheen and my favorite performance, D.B. Sweeney as legend Shoeless Joe Jackson.

7. A League of their Own (1992)
An often overlooked period in sport’s history is the formation of the All-American Girls Professional Baseball League in the 1940s. Penny Marshall (Big, Awakenings) directs this light hearted, fictionalized account of the Rockford Peaches first season. Playing with something to prove, Geena Davis stars as the team’s star catcher and is accompanied by a cast of colorful characters. Rosie O’Donnell and Madonna are probably some of the bigger names in the cast and are surprisingly tolerable… But Tom Hanks steals the show as the team’s washed up manager Jimmy Dugan, based on Hall of Famer Jimmie Fox. He also delivers what’s probably one of the most memorable quotes in sports movie history with “There’s no crying in baseball!”

6. The Natural (1984)
The Natural just has that mythic fable-like feel to it. Like the story King Arthur, though instead of the mighty Excalibur he wields “Wonderboy” a bat made from a tree hit by lightning. Robert Redford stars as Roy Hobbs a hopeful 19-year old pitcher with big ball aspirations. Though things take a turn for the worse after a severe gunshot wound shatters his dreams. 16 years later Roy gives it another go and is signed to the fictional 1939 New York Knights. Now an accomplished hitter, Roy quickly wows his teammates with his hitting ability. What follows are the highs and lows of Roy’s season in a classic sports film. It’s worth seeing just for that iconic theme. One of my favorite soundtracks, period. I can’t believe Randy Newman didn’t take home the music oscar that year.

5. Major League (1989
It’s cooky, wild, crazy and lots of fun. The sports comedy classic major league is your typical, predictable underdog story but also a humorous tribute to America’s pastime. You got the seasoned veteran (Tom Berenger), the prima donna (Corbin Bernsen), the speedy rookie (Wesley Snipes) and the Wild Thing himself (Charlie Sheen). Rounded out by a voodoo practicing power hitter (Dennis Haysbert) and an oily veteran pitcher (Chelcie Ross) and you got yourself a lovable cast of misfits. All I know is if I was a fan of the Tribe, I would probably worship and reference this movie all season long.

4. Sugar (2008)
I can see why Sean’s such a fan as this probably the most realistic and powerful baseball movie on this whole list. Miguel “Sugar” Santos is a Dominican pitcher struggling to make in the big leagues. Playing on a Single A team in Iowa, Sugar faces a day to day struggle of playing ball and trying to live in another country. It’s the classic fish out of water story with glimpses of great humor and all out heart. The only aspect holding it back is the latter half of the film’s focus on Sugar’s abandoning baseball to live in New York. Though it’s still a great film and a must see for sports movie fans.

3. The Bad News Bears (1976)
Without a doubt the funniest movie on this list. It’s hard to imagine that a movie like this even exists. On one hand it’s a movie about a little league team but on the other it’s a raunchy, refreshingly un-P.C., comedy with no skimpin’ on the expletives. Walter Matthau as the drunken head coach Buttermaker is priceless but all the kids have their moments. Probably my favorite line, in response to missing several fly balls is “Don’t give me none of your honky bullshit, Buttermaker. I know they were easy.” And that’s just one of many memorable lines. Though this film hits even deeper than your typical sports comedy. The Bad News Bears is a striking portrayal of the unnecessary pressures put on kids playing team sports. Avoid the remake and sequels but don’t ignore this classic.

2. Bull Durham (1988)
A big fan favorite with no shortage of memorable moments, Bull Durham is a humorous romantic comedy with an entertaining insight into the world of minor league ball. The dialogue here is pitch perfect and the performances are undeniably entertaining most notably Tim Robbins as hot shot pitcher Calvin “Nuke” LaLoosh. It’s repeatedly been chosen as one of the best sports movies, which made it tough to pick the top spot.

1. Field of Dreams (1989)
Field of Dreams isn’t as much about playing baseball as it is the myth of baseball. The magic of the game, the larger than life players and the people that it brings together. “If you build it, they will come.” is the classic quote that inspires one Ray Kinsella (Kevin Costner) to build a baseball field over his Iowa cornfield. What follows is a supernatural phenomenon as Ray gets to meet the ghosts of former legends, most notably Shoeless Joe Jackson (Ray Liotta). The story is unique and the characters are likable. James Earl Jones provides plenty of ammo for the Vader sessions, if you don’t know what that means consider yourself lucky. Not to mention Burt Lancaster shines in his final role. This is the kind of baseball movie that dreams are made of.

Honorable Mention
For Love of the Game
Mr. Baseball
The Rookie

T3: Return of the King… Of Monsters

(This is not related to April Fool’s Day)
For anyone who religiously follows IMDb or any kind of movie site you’ve probably heard that Legendary Pictures recently purchased the rights to Godzilla. Working closely with Japanese Producers, a 2012 release date has been set for a new installment. Seeing that the last American Godzilla was so untrue to the character here are my thoughts on what would make a new Godzilla movie actually worth watching.

No particular order here just a few of my suggestions.

10. Set it in Japan
Godzilla is to Japan like Ford Trucks are to America. He’s one of the most identifiable characters of Japanese Pop Culture so keep him in his own neck of the woods. It just won’t be Godzilla if he’s not puttin’ the smack-down on Osaka.

9. 3D You Wanna See
I’ve been a little weary about all this unnecessary 3D lately but this is one that’s got to have 3D and it better be damn good. I’m tired of all these last minute cash-ins so this better have damn good 3D, like Beowulf good. BEOWULF!!!

8. Seeing Stars
You don’t want to weigh this down with too many stars. Big name celebs could detract from our main focal point which is the monster himself. I’d prefer to see maybe one star with a cast of asian character actors but it doesn’t seem likely.

7. I Have the Power!
Remember how in the American version Godzilla didn’t have any powers? That sucked, you got to have his atomic breath or fire blast attacks. That stuff is beyond bad-ass, I don’t care if it doesn’t make sense nothing about Godzilla makes sense so have fun with it.

6. No Hide and Seek
I don’t want any trailers of Godzilla’s foot or just his tail like the advertising campaign for the 98′ American version. I want to know right off the bat what we got here. I want to be reassured that Godzilla will look like Godzilla, alright?

5. Homage
Wow it’s hard to come up with ten of these. So this one is basically to make sure it pays it’s respects to the original series. You know through little hints and details maybe use the Toho logo, though I’m not clear on their evolvement. Little comedic touches and stuff that most people wont notice but others will greatly appreciate.

4. Traditional Tunes
You got to love Akira Ifukube’s iconic theme and if that’s not in this movie somewhere, someone is about to get straight up murdered.

3. Period Piece
Not Really important and probably fairly unlikely would be to set this in the 1950s. Personally I’d love to see a retro look, plus you could still use the original origin story. I’ve always loved how the original tied Godzilla into the whole aftermath of the A-Bomb droppings. I’d love to see that revisited somehow.

2. Original Recipe
If I can recall one of the first things to piss people off about the 98′ Godzilla was that Godzilla looked like an Iguana. Why change him so dramatically? He already looks awesome so why did they do that? All I can think of is that they wanted him to look more believable (which is already ridiculous.) Or to design him so that he could run and swim faster but who cares about his speed? He’s like a hundred feet tall is that not enough? So let’s keep him traditional, no need for another Jurassic Park knockoff.

1. One Monster to Rule Them All
: As much as I’d love to see all of Godzilla’s classic foes back on the silver screen you got to start it simple. We don’t know how well this could work so why not start out with just the G-man? I know it doesn’t sound too exciting but you don’t want to overwhelm everybody with a bunch of other shit right off the bat. If it’s good you can always work your way up to other monsters. Though there’s always the outside chance they can make it work with two monsters… Only time can tell.

For the most part I’m optimistic I mean it’s Godzilla after all. Personally I didn’t even hate the U.S.’ Godzilla though I was disappointed with a lot of the changes they made. So can the same company behind The Dark Knight revitalize the King of the Monsters? As long as there’s no “Baby Godzillas” I’ll be happy.

Colin’s Top Ten Movies of 2009

I think this post should wrap up our sporadic series of lists that have dominated this blog for the last month. Now we can finally get on with 2010. Anyway, I only saw a handful of movies this year that I really embraced, and a lot that were pretty good but didn’t quite blow me away or anything.

Honorable Mentions:

(500) Days of Summer

The Hangover

Crazy Heart

10. Star Trek

I’ve never really considered myself a Star Trek fan, but I’ve always had respect for the franchise. That’s probably why I enjoyed this slick updated version of the original Star Trek series as it makes for a satisfying popcorn movie for the non-die hard trekkies as well as a film that does a great job of breathing new life into these iconic characters. Sure, the second half isn’t nearly as thrilling of the first half, but Star Trek still made for one of the year’s best blockbusters, and gives a nice rebirth to a franchise that’ll have me looking forward to any subsequent installments.

9. Up

Pixar set the bar extremely high with last year’s Wall-E, and although Up may fall a little short in comparison, it’s still makes for another breathtaking piece of storytelling. Much like Star Trek it suffers a little from a weaker second half, but the sentiment and visual richness of the film are still undeniable. It’s also a little unfortunate that the film pretty much peaks within the first 10 minutes, but I’m not sure how any film could top the emotional resonance of the opening sequence of this movie.

8. Adventureland

I’m not sure that most people where quite as charmed by this movie as me, maybe it has to do with the fact that it pays so many homages to one of my favorite eras in music. But I think there’s certainly more to this film than that, as Greg Matolla creates a surprisingly fresh and personal take on the coming of age story while giving us a nice mix of comedy and heartfelt romance.

7. Avatar

My opinion on Avatar probably resides somewhere between Sean and John’s. Yes, it’s not a terribly original or inventively executed story, but I still found myself getting swept up in the visual complexity of the film, as well as the whole spirit of the thing. I’m still amazed each week when I see that Avatar still has remained number 1 at the box office, I guess James Cameron just knows how to make a shitload of money.

6. Precious

This is a story that’s certainly bleak, but it really hit me where it counts, and I think that’s the most you can ask for in a story like this. Gabourey Sibide and Mo’Nique give remarkable performances, as the film give us a devastating look into the lives of these most compelling characters. It’s one of those films that managed to bring me out of my comfort zone, but in a completely imersive and satisfying way.

5. A Serious Man

This has quickly become one of my favorite films in the Coen brothers’ canon. It’s just fascinating the way the Coens take on all of these weighty themes, all while doing it such a wholly original way that only the Coens could pull off. The film also has an uncharacteristically personal touch as it finds them grappling with their own religious demons in their own strange, offbeat way.

4. Where The Wild Things Are

Going in to this movie I wasn’t sure what to expect. It seemed that the overwhelming concencus I had heard was that it was visually stunning, but kinda boring. Honestly I don’t know how more people weren’t able to get completely absorbed in the childlike emotion and wonderment of this movie. Spike Jonze truly captures a great deal of adventure as well as tenderness in this film. However, I’d definitely have to say it’s less a film for kids than a film for the kid in all of us.

3. Inglourious Basterds

This movie is simply a lot of fun, and another great example of Quentin Tarantino’s knack for reinventing genres. There’s plenty of Tarantino’s signature dialogue, and he manages to top himself with some of his most brilliantly executed scenes yet. There’s really no argument for whether Christoph Waltz should win the best supporting actor Oscar, he steals every scene he’s in and manages to create about as entertaining a villain as you could ask for.

2. The Hurt Locker

Definitely a film everybody should see, as it’s easily the definitive document of the Iraq War so far. However, at it’s heart it’s an action movie and a damn good one. Kathryn Bigelow manages to create some incredibly intense sequences, while also being able to really pull you into the world and mindset of the common soldier. I would have no problem with The Hurt Locker ending up being the big winner at the Oscars, it’s certainly an important achievement any way you look at it.

1. Up In The Air

This is a film that wasn’t hard at all for me to embrace, and I’m sure is one I’ll be coming back to in years to come. George Clooney anchors this film in the way only a performer of his charms and talents could, but the film also gets a great deal of it’s heart and soul from it’s magnificent supporting cast. This is an impressively mature work from Jason Reitman and one that manages to capture the uncertainy of the age we live in while still giving us plenty of warmth and optimism along the way.

John’s Top Ten Movies of 2009

I didn’t see a lot of really great flicks in 09′ but as usual the tale end of the year brought a few gems. Nothing good enough to add to my “Favorite Film’s of the 2000s” list but it’s all too new in my mind. One thing I do know is I’ll definitely be prepared for the Oscars this year.

Honorable Mention
A Serious Man – Recently added this to my “Honorable Mentions” as my appreciation for it continues to grow. It’s highly unconventional but it’s got such an original feel to it and Michael Stuhlbarg steals the show.

Bad Lieutenant: Port Call of New Orleans – Nicholas Cage’s manic over-the-top performance is reason enough to see this movie. If only it didn’t wrap up in such a bland finale.

District 9 – Excellent docudrama style debut from Neill Blomkamp. Sharlto Copely could and should have a nice acting career ahead of him after playing the sympathetic hero. Convincing effects tied up in some great sci-fi action.

Watchmen – It’s almost as if this film has been completely forgotten. I thought it was damn impressive back in March and was deeply immersed. Ambitious in style and content, I really just need to see it again to see how I feel about now.

10. The Hangover
Not quite as hilarious or outrageous with my second viewing but still a great comedy nonetheless. Who would of thought that a so-so director and a small time cast could pull off such a blockbuster? Zach Galifianakis (I’m not even going to attempt to spell check that) is the obvious breakout star (don’t ask me why Bradley Cooper’s career has taken off) but everybody has their moments… Even Mike Tyson. Maybe watching it with my mom present in the room wasn’t the best setting for a second viewing but I still found a great deal enjoyable. By the way she thought it was kind of funny but too much of a guy movie, I think that’s completely understandable

9. Precious
Sometimes I have trouble watching such heavy handed dramas but I was surprised to find in all of the film’s brooding subject matter, shined little glimpses of hope and happiness. Precious is an intimate and immensely moving film worth seeing for the outstanding performances (even Mariah Carey and Lenny Kravitz aren’t bad.) Mo’nique has already been given overwhelming acclaim for her performance as the cruel overbearing mother but I was just as impressed by the debut from star Gabourey Sidibe. It may sound like a hard film to watch for it’s controversial subject matter but I assure you that you won’t regret it.

8. Bruno
An onslaught of non-stop jokes, I applaud Sacha Baron Cohen’s fearlessness which results in more laughs than I can count. Bruno is dumb fun at it’s most extreme level and I just couldn’t and still can’t get enough of it. I watched it again (special features included) last November and was amazed by how much I enjoyed it. It’s an odd choice for a “Top Ten of the Year” list but I won’t deny my fondness for Austria’s biggest celebrity since Hitler.

7. Inglourious Basterds
Slick, stylish and unconventional (You know typical Tarantino), Inglorious Basterds is like a B-movie but pumped full of great performances, a good story and countless tributes to cult cinema. It’s got all of Q.T’s known trademarks so it’s not surprising that it’s quite unlike any war movie I’ve ever seen. It drags a little in spots, I mean Quentin can get kind of self indulgent with dialogue sometimes but it’s all in good fun. It’s worth checking out to see Christoph Waltz’s as the strangely likable villain “Hans Landa”.

6. The Hurt Locker
I’ll need to see it again but The Hurt Locker was easily one of the best war themed movies I’ve seen in a long time. A strikingly real feeling (probably due to the fact that it was filmed in the Middle East) with strong performances from a group of skilled character actors. There’s some pretty damn tense scenes here, remember the “Sniping Part”? That’s got to be the most nerve-wracking sniper scene I’ve ever seen. It’s high adrenaline and has no shortage of drama. It would appear this flick is the frontrunner for Best Picture at the Oscars and I have no problem with that.

5. Drag Me to Hell
Sam Raimi’s return to his roots is gooey, zany, thrill ride. There’s just not enough slapstick horror movies but I guess it would be hard to imagine any other director taking on such an obserd sub-genre. Some good scares and good laughs, it’s full on popcorn entertainment at it’s finest. It’s good to see that fame and success haven’t gone to Sam’s head but we’ll see what happens when he tackles that World of Warcraft project.

4. The Road
Perhaps the most underrated movie of the year. It’s brief limited release didn’t help but I was surprised there wasn’t much talk about this emotional post-apocalyptic thriller. Viggo Mortensen and the young Kodi Smit-McPhee are quite believable in the role of father and son and I’m shocked their names haven’t come up now that were in award season… Sometimes I wonder if it’s just a popularity contest. Anyhow I loved the strikingly realistic settings of a world gone downhill and the story although simple is incredibly engaging.

3. Avatar
What looks like it’s on it’s way to being the most bankable movie of all time is also the most entertaining of 2009. A mind blowing visual smorgasbord with no shortage of action or beauty, or even a single dull moment. Being entertained is in my opinion the most important thing a movie can accomplish and this did not disappointment. Really all that’s holding it back is a lack of originality in the concept. We’ve seen plenty of movies that are your typical “Man learns to embrace nature” and what not but I guess it’s a plus that Avatarblows all of those film’s out of the water technically. This will forever be remembered as a landmark in film effects and technology.

2. Up in the Air
Ahh George Clooney, he really is the Cary Grant of this generation. A highly skilled actor who can’t be beat on charm, George Clooney leads a talented cast in this fascinating dramedy from the unstoppable Jason Reitman. An inventive take on a unique occupation leads to no end of silly situations and downbeat misunderstandings. It’s got heart and it reaches you on a deeper level which is something that can be hard to come by.

1. Crazy Heart
Crazy Heart is by no means a perfect film, taking a light approach to what could of been a much darker drama but I don’t think I walked out of any other movie this year with such a feeling of satisfaction and joy. Jeff Bridges warm performance combined with his lazy charm makes Bad Blake one of the best characters of his career. Though it may not of worked if it wasn’t for the outstanding score, most notably the main theme “The Weary Kind”. I loved all the concert scenes and especially Jeff Bridges playing off a solid cast featuring the likes of; Maggie Gyllenhaal, Colin Farrell and Robert Duvall. It was a true feel good experience for me and I still got some of the tunes stuck in my head, one of the best movies about music of the 2000s.

Sean’s Top Ten Movies of 2009

At this point we’re really late, as 2009 has become a distant memory. I’ve been engaging Colin in a face-off over who should begin our final top tens of last year, but all signs point to me. So, as I’m sitting here, at work, where I’m supposed to help students with Final Cut, I figured I’d get this thing started.

Honorable Mentions
Zombieland
Precious
District 9
Funny People
Up

10. Avatar
Here’s the thing, Avatar was like a ride. A fun, memorable, incredible visit to the amusement park that is James Cameron’s mind. As a film, it’s not well-written or particularly interesting. In fact, it’s rather obvious and full of painful plot holes. To the point where it’s hard to believe he had like a decade and this was the best script the mastermind behind Terminator 2 could come up with. But as a visual feast for the eyes, it is damn near unparalleled. Nothing makes a better case for 3D technology than this movie. It’s really great to watch. What’s even more remarkable is the digital effects. I mean, Sigourney Weaver’s avatar looks like her. There are plenty of scenes that I’m sure are entirely animated, and yet they are totally compelling. That’s quite the feat. It’s no wonder this movie has done so well in theaters. It’s just a shame that it will be worthless outside of them.

9. Sugar
What’s most striking about the latest from the team behind Half Nelson is, just like Precious, it’s scary just how plausible a movie it is. Sugar is the story of a young Dominican man’s experiences as he tries to make his way to the MLB. The use of real Dominican ballplayers adds a lot of credibility to the performances, and make the baseball scenes pretty entertaining. Since baseball became such a big part of my life in 2009, more than ever before really, and the Mariners had a really memorable season, I’d definitely be remiss if this great picture didn’t make the cut. But that certainly doesn’t mean this film’s appeal is limited to baseball fanatics. There’s enough real human drama to keep even the nerdiest audience entertained.

8. Fantastic Mr. Fox
Fantastic Mr. Fox got a little lost in the George Clooney blitz that hit at the end of last year. Even though The Men Who Stare at Goats was the one that no one liked. I’m a sucker for Wes Anderson. That said, his last two movies haven’t grabbed me like his others did. Fantastic Mr. Fox is pretty amazing visually, and story wise it’s full of plenty of that dry wit that I expect from Anderson. It seems like I should have been a total sucker for this movie, but for whatever reason I wasn’t. I liked it. I respect it. But I don’t love it. I won’t be desperate to get the DVD as soon as it comes out. Perhaps I’m finally moving on from Wes Anderson, like so many critics did a couple films ago.

7. A Serious Man
The Coens simply make interesting movies. A Serious Man isn’t the next No Country for Old Men, but it’s not the next Burn After Reading either. It’s its own interesting entity, worthy of revisiting and analyzing. The performances here are very strong, and cinematically it’s quite pretty. I don’t really know what to say beyond that this movie is really interesting. There’s a lot going on that is not explicitly explained, and it’s fun to think about it and make connections. And that ending, my God. That has to be one of the most incredible last shots I’ve ever seen. How they could write a story like this boggles my mind. I’ve been trying to pay more attention to good writing and A Serious Man has more layers to it than I could ever count.

6. Where the Wild Things Are
We got at least three really sophisticated children’s movies in 2009. Up was full of heart, Fantastic Mr. Fox was fun and Where the Wild Things Are had so much going on it probably is best enjoyed by a more grown up audience. This is a complex look at what it’s like to be a kid, full of all the rage, sadness, and fun that entails. And it’s also got a really great visual style. And it’s got a pretty good soundtrack. And that trailer for the movie was amazing. Spike Jonze totally knocked this one out of the park. There were a number a really memorable movies in 2009. Precious comes to mind, but that is a movie I don’t have the willpower to revisit. Where the Wild Things Are not only was amazing in theaters, but I’d like to check it out again.

5. Moon
I’m always looking out for my boy Sam Rockwell. That’s not true. I haven’t seen most of his movies. But I have seen Galaxy Quest, and he was pretty good in that. Good enough that I like it when he’s in movies. Duncan Jones decided to let Rockwell have a whole movie pretty much entirely to himself, and he did not disappoint. But beyond Rockwell’s great performance, it’s also got Kevin Spacey’s best performance in years. Moon is a really solid psychological science fiction movie that totally was worth seeing twice in theaters.In two different countries. On two different continents. Yeah, I actually did do that. I think that’s cool. But other people are going to say I’m a fool for wasting precious time in London in a cinema. Screw those people.

4. Star Trek
I’ve always had a mild interest in Star Trek. I’ve seen the movies, some of the shows. When they recast the original crew for a new movie, I was like, why do that? Why not just tell the story of another crew? They’ve got all of the future to play with. They’re just going to piss Trekkies off. And they wrote a movie to avoid that. Up until Kirk gets marooned on Hoth, the new Star Trek is an incredible, action-packed ride. After that sad shift to exposition, it does lose some steam. But my God is that first part one hell of a ride. And it’s not like the movie got bad or anything, it just went in a less than desirable direction. Look, I’m always going to be a sucker for a good sci fi ride, and Star Trek is one of the best.

3. Up in the Air
Jason Reitman has consistently been putting out good movies his whole career. He likes to tell the stories of people flourishing under circumstances most of us would dread. Up in the Air is his best movie yet. Yes, it is very timely. But this movie is bigger than that. It’s emotionally involving. It’s funny. George Clooney is acting just about as well as he can, and he sure is suave. The leading ladies more than match Clooney’s performance too. I’ve seen each film in my top 5 twice now, and they all hold up really well. That was most surprising to me with this movie, since Juno didn’t seem that great the second time around. I guess that’s the difference between a movie that relies a little too heavily on goofy dialogue and a movie that has real heart.

2. The Hurt Locker
We’ve been waiting for a great movie about the war in Iraq. We’ve gotten close a couple times, but we hadn’t quite had that movie yet. The Hurt Locker is the movie we’ve been waiting for. On one level, this is the best action movie of the year. The disposal scenes are ridiculously thrilling. Remember the first time you saw James go on his first mission with the team? It just keeps ramping up, first they can’t find the guys that made the call. Then James just walks in there and throws up a smoke screen. Then that driver comes flying in. Then James finds the IED. Then, uh oh, it’s a freaking daisy chain. And there’s that great scene at the UN building. And that sniper battle, holy shit. On another level, it tells an interesting story about good soldiers and the problems they face in a modern war. Is there anything more astounding than that shot of James on the cereal aisle? This is a good ass movie.

1. Inglourious Basterds
If Quentin Tarantino’s masterpiece is not everybody’s number one, I don’t know what I’ll do. Inglorious Basterds is amazingly well-written. What it does with language alone is mind-boggling. As Tarantino points out on the special features, WWII was the last time a whole bunch of white people got together for a war. It was the last time that clothes, language and mannerisms could mean the difference between life and death. And he shows us that with some amazing, dangerously tense sequences. That first scene in France. The scene at the bar. The whole ending of the movie. It’s just magnificent. Well done, sir. Well done.

Colin’s Top Ten Movies of the 00’s

Unlike my albums of the decade list, this was not a list that came easily to me, nor one that I’m all that satisfied with. Sorry it took me so long to finish this, I’ve been spending most of this weekend babysitting high school kids and concentrating on the new “D” album. If you haven’t downloaded it yet I highly recommend doing that instead of reading this list.

Honorable Mentons:

The Dark Knight (2008)

High Fidelity (2000)

There Will Be Blood (2007)

Before Sunset (2004)

10. Once (2007)

I originally had a film from 2009 as my number 10, but I figured that would’ve made my best of 2009 list a little less exciting. Anyways, musicals made quite a comeback in the 00’s, an incredibly undeserving one even won a Best Picture Oscar back in 2002. Once was a movie that seemed to strip the musical genre down to it’s bare essentials with a simple, but undeniably charming little love story that I think is hard not to like even if you’re not a fan of the songs.

9. The Pianist (2002)

This is an undeniably powerful take on the Holocaust from Roman Polanski in what is easily his most personal film as well as one of his best. The film paints a picture of World War II that seems to cut to the core of the human element of World War II, and features some unforgettable scenes of both horrific brutality and simplistic beauty. The Pianist would also probably be even higher on this list if it wasn’t for the fact that I saw it for the first time about a week ago.

8. Mulholland Drive (2001)

For me, there’s no one who pulls off surrealist filmmaking as well as David Lynch, and this is easily one of his most inspired creations. Mulholland Drive is probably one of the most unique depictions of dreams, and the film is almost like a kind of puzzle. In fact I can remember the first time I saw it, I just kept replaying the film over in my mind hours after the movie was over, trying to put it all together and just being fascinated by it.

7. Zodiac (2007)

I’m usually not a huge fan of serial killer movies, but this one has such unique approach to the genre that can’t help but get wrapped up in the style and tone of this film as well as it’s confounding story. It’s also quite amazing what David Fincher accomplished with this film, as it’s certainly one of the least flashy of his films, but in my opinion it’s his most finely crafted film yet.

6. Children of Men (2006)

My favorite kinds of sci-fi films are the ones that seem entirely believable in an almost tangible way, and for me Children Of Men is one of those kinds of films. Much of it can be attributed to the film’s depiction of a world without children, but much of it also has to do with Alfonso Cuaron’s gritty style of filmmaking which displays some unforgettable set pieces in this film. Also, Clive Owen is pretty badass in this movie, it’s too bad he hasn’t made a single film I’ve wanted to see since Children Of Men.

5. The Departed (2006)

Martin Scorsese has always been a master when it come to the crime genre, and with this film he managed to carve out some new ground in the genre, while earning his overdue Oscar. It’s got about as good of a cast as you can ask for and DiCaprio, Damon, Nicholson, and even Mark Wahlberg are all fantastic.

4. Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind (2004)

This is just a remarkable film in my opinion, how it manages to be so unique and unconventional but still rooted in human emotion is something I feel hasn’t quite been achieved in any other film in such an inventive way. I can’t say I’m a huge fan of writer Charlie Kaufman or director Michel Gondry, but this film seems like a perfect blend of both of their sensibilities.

3. Sideways (2004)

I’m a big fan of Alexander Payne, he seems to have a penchant for comedies that have this underlying sadness to them, but this got to be his most optimistic film yet. The cast is a joy to watch in scenes that very from tender and romantic to bizarre and irreverant. There are few comedies I can remember to responding to as much as Sideways, now if only Alexander Payne would finally make a follow-up film.

2. City of God (2002)

This is a crime story that is just as harrowing and vivid as it is exhilarating. I can’t help but get wrapped up in with each viewing, and the film really just grabs you from the first scene and never really lets go. I’m usually not that big of a fan of films that use lots jumpy stylistic editing techniques, but much like Goodfellas, I feel like this film totally uses that style to portray the fast-paced intense lifestyle at the center of the film.

1. The Lord of The Rings Trilogy (2001, 2002, 2003)

Unlike Sean and John, I have a hard time thinking of one of the Lord of The Rings films without thinking of all of them as one big epic, masterfully told story. Each film definitely has it’s own special qualities, but I think you have to look at the whole as one incredible entity. There were plenty of blockbuster sequels to come out this decade, most of them relying on the newest CG technology, but I don’t think any films quite melded the aspirations of the Hollywood blockbusters with classic storytelling on a grand scale quite like The Lord Of The Rings.