The Amityville franchise is beyond repair. Just to fill in the uninitiated, Amityville is a town in New York and thus the title, “Amityville” cannot be copyrighted. What this means is that any slob with a camera can film anything, call it “Amityville BLANK”, and people will watch it. Why? Morbid curiosity? Absolutely. Then again, I think it can be said the original story of the Amityville Horror still resonates with people today.

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Honestly, watching Constantine left me with more questions than answers. As one of the dwindling number of comic book super hero movies I hadn’t seen, this has been on my radar ever since it came out 18 years ago. And yet, back then people HATED Constantine. On the other hand, it was really trendy to make fun of Keanu Reeves in those days too, and we all know how wrong the haters were. Now Constantine is a cult classic with some passionate fans and maybe a sequel coming someday. But also, it’s a mid-2000s Alan Moore adaptation, and those tended to always miss the point. So I didn’t know if I would like it or not, and that kept me away until John dared me to take it on. And now that I’m on the other side, I still don’t know how to feel!

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I didn’t realize it until I watched Prince of Darkness, but viewing it completes me having seen every movie director John Carpenter made during the ’80s, the decade he’s probably most synonymous with. His work during the decade saw a run that’s fairly unparalleled in genre filmmaking, even if not every entry in this string of films was properly appreciated during its time. Carpenter was in such a self-contained groove during this period that even his films that aren’t successful in every aspect are extremely watchable, as is the case with 1987’s Prince of Darkness, a film somewhat overshadowed by the two cult classics in Carpenter’s filmography that it’s sandwiched between, Big Trouble In Little China and They Live. Continue reading →

It’s funny that I rewatched the OG Exorcist the day before I watched Beyond the Door. Funny, because I had no idea that this Italian possession film was not only an Exorcist ripoff, it was actually sued by Warner Bros. for copyright infringement and lost. Well, at least it’s a good movie–wait, it isn’t? Oh god, is there any value in watching this cheap cash-grab in the year 2023? Stick around to find out.

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Did you ever see the parody short film Kung Fury? It’s an over-the-top homage to 1980s action movies that has a martial artist detective take on robots, mutants, dinosaurs, and, of course, Hitler, all in the name of revenge. It’s a lot… but also not actually as far from what was really coming out back then as you might think. Ninja III: The Domination, the third and final entry in a anthology series from the legendary low-budget production company Cannon Films, is so relentlessly Eighties you might not actually believe it. Let me tell you about it! And I promise, nothing I write will be an exaggeration, this movie doesn’t need that.

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This marks my first foray into this year’s Shocktober, and as far as devil or possession-themed movies, this one has about as much as you could ask for. It’s got a creepy Satanic cult, people melting, ritual sacrifice, a shirtless William Shatner screaming, a future real-life cult member (in a young John Travolta), and a technical advisor credit for Church of Satan founder Anton LaVey. It’s absolutely the kind of batshit film you look for if you’re parsing through the weirder corners of ’70s cult films. However, if you were looking to worship at the altar of great story-telling or well-defined characters, well, you came to the wrong church. Continue reading →