T3 67: Top 10 Annoying Children in Movies

When you were a little kid, did you ever imagine you got to join your favorite characters on their adventures? Obi Wan would teach you in the ways of the force, maybe, or Indiana Jones would need your help to secure a precious artifact, for example. Well, the filmmakers behind those films thought you had those fantasies, at least. That’s why they wrote little kids into the later movies in those storied franchises. The problem is, often the resulting characters were more annoying than anything else. That’s why this week we decided to count down our bottom 10 kids in film. It’s totally wizard!

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Shocktober Day 23: REC

REC (2007)

Back in 2009 (on this very blog) I declared REC as the scariest movie I’d ever seen. Though I’m not sure if that’s still true I honestly can’t think of what could have topped it since. Clocking in at only 75 minutes, REC uses every second to create non-stop terror. A creative combination of claustrophobia, handheld cameras, and sheer madness leaves for quite an experience that I’m not still not sure I’m ready to revisit.

Ángela Vidal (Manuela Velasco) is a television reporter in Barcelona who along with her cameraman Pablo (Pablo Rosso) is filming a segment for a show about people who work nightshift jobs. On this particular night, Angela accompanies a couple of firefighters called out on a disturbance to a local apartment building. What starts out as routine call soon escalates into a viral breakout transforming residents into enraged psychopaths. The building becomes quarantined and the next thing you know, everyone is trapped in a frightening fun house of thrills and chills.

I’ve always been a proponent of the found-footage movement and this is the most effective example I can think of. The audience is literally trapped in an enclosed space and has no choice but to follow along with Angela and her cameraman. The diseased adversaries feel real and any sense of hope is gone right off the bat. It’s hard not to be locked into this film from the get go.

REC was remade in 2008 as the American film Quarantine starring Jennifer Carpenter. The consensus seems to be that although both of the films are very similar, REC is grittier, faster paced and less melodramatic. In its native Spain, REC is a franchise that now includes three films with a fourth one on the way. I’ve never had any interest in seeing the formula repeated, so I’ll stick with the original, thank you. Still, if you want a freaky flick, check REC!

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Fight for your right to party!

Super Effective

Pokémon Y

Pokemon turned 15 this year. There are now over 700 different pocket monsters, divided over six generations of games. I’ve played one of the first in each generation: Blue (and Yellow), Gold, Ruby, Pearl, White, and now Y. In all that time, I’ve changed quite a bit. I’ve gone from being massively obsessed with the series, desperate to see it’s characters rendered in their full 3D glory on my Nintendo 64, to accepting the series as a constant. One that changes only enough to stay relevant, but keeps a strong tie to its roots. Pokemon games have a formula that really works, and by tweaking it in a few meaningful ways, Pokemon X & Y stands as the best game in the series yet.

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Shocktober Day 22: Inside

Inside (2007)

If you walked into a place that sold DVDs and saw Inside your first instinct would probably be, “What’s this piece of shit?” The U.S. release looks like another one of those throwaway Fangoria Frightfest or After Dark Horrorfest DVDs (in this case “Dimension Extreme”). Some cheap or obscure release with a gory cover and a forgettable title. Though look at the French poster and you’ll think you’re looking at an art film. In reality, Inside is somewhere in between. It has the violence the U.S. cover promises but with more emotional drive than you’d expect.

The film opens with the burning wreckage of a grisly head-on collision between two cars. Sarah Scarangelo (Alysson Paradis) is the soul survivor of the incident, unless you count the unborn child in her womb, and tragically loses her husband. Four months later on Christmas Eve, Sarah finds out her little bundle of joy is due the next day, though there’s isn’t much else in her life worth celebrating. Sarah’s mother and boss try to reach out to her but Sarah decides to spend the holiday by herself… Big mistake! Later that night, a mysterious woman (Beatrice Dalle) begins to stalk Sarah at her home. Sarah quickly realizes that it is not her that the woman is after, but her unborn child. What follows is a grisly game of cat-and-mouse over the course of one very unhappy holiday.

Inside is an incredibly visceral (in more than one way) film but also very stylistic. Sarah has many contemplative moments that are excellently captured to drive home an artistic or emotional response. The atmosphere is heightened by a sharp cinematic eye and brooding John Carpenter-ish style score for a full experience. The storytelling is simple but builds to a clever conclusion, well sort of. The ending goes a little further into the abstract then I would have liked but it doesn’t hurt the film too severely. The bigger concern is that Inside does drag in a few spots.

Inside is often grouped into a category of film’s referred to as “New Wave French Horror”. These films tend to exhibit extreme violence but with a stronger artistic sensibility. The film High Tension which I also reviewed this month is another example. Frankly, Inside is miles above High Tension in artistic and emotional impact. Why High Tension director Alexander Aja has been succesfull and not Inside directors Julien Maury and Alexandre Bustillo is beyond me. Still, the die-hards know which is better. Inside not only received positive reviews but is often considered one of the best horror films of the decade.

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Boy is she red in the face.

Pitching Tents 01: Isolation

Here’s something a bit different. You know how sometimes they make movies? Do you ever wonder how executives and screenwriters come up with the ideas for those movies? Well, here’s our best approximation of what it’s like. It’s a new show for a growing network of podcasts for the smallest audience possible, Pitching Tents. It’s all about us trying to pitch (to each other) movies that would be the big tentpole films of the future. Yes, despite the title this has nothing to do with camping or boners.

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Shocktober Day 21: The Poughkeepsie Tapes

The Poughkeepsie Tapes (2007)

It’s unlikely that the causal horror moviegoer has seen The Poughkeepsie Tapes, or even heard of it for that matter. In a way, the story of this film’s disappearance is almost as interesting as the actual film itself. Originally advertised before screenings of The Mist in 2007, this found-footage/mockumentary never saw wide release and as of 2013 is still unavailable on DVD.

The Poughkeepsie Tapes is one part Blair Witch and one part Errol Morris. The film opens like a gritty crime documentary. The authorities of Poughkeepsie, New York have recently unraveled hundreds of tapes chronicling the murderous escapades of “The Poughkeepsie Killer”, a criminal mastermind and maniac who has videotaped every single person he’s ever captured and killed. Intercut with interviews and footage from the killer, The Poughkeepsie Tapes is a chillingly real story about the anger and fear that comes from an unsolved case that has hurt so many.

The Poughkeepsie Tapes never goes too far off the deep-end, always maintaing a sense of realism. All the actors in the film feel appropriate and the dialogue feels genuine. Had this film surfaced out of nowhere, say as a bunch of tapes in someone’s basement, you might even believe it was all true. It’s an interesting concept and surprisingly gripping. But what happened to the release of this film?

The Poughkeepsie Tapes was acquired by MGM after premiering at Tribeca Film Festival in 2007 and was slated for a wide release, until MGM took a tailspin into financial mucky muck. Thus, The Poughkeepsie Tapes was pulled 5 weeks before release (along with a few other MGM films). Yet even after recouping the studio hasn’t chosen to do anything with the film. They won’t sell it to other studios and wont release it themselves, so it’s in limbo. It’s a shame because had it been released just two years later it would have been a hit. Paranormal Activity in 2009 opened the door once again for found-footage movies to bring in blockbuster numbers and there’s no reason this film couldn’t have been one of the those blockbusters. Instead, this film is just as mysterious and elusive as the Poughkeepsie Tape Killer himself.

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The greatest porn collection of all time.

Shocktober Day 20: The Orphanage

The Orphanage (2007)

On the surface, The Orphanage looks like another throwaway creepy kid movie. Something in the vein of Orphan or the The Unborn but more Spanish. The Orphanage is very Spanish but it’s also a heart-wrenchingly beautiful fairy tale bonded in spooky skin.

Produced by beloved Fantasy/Horror filmmaker Guillermo del Toro, The Orphanage captures the same whimsy and emotional pain we’ve seen in del Toro films like Pan’s Labyrinth. The Orphanage not only explores the difficulties of being young but also of being a parent. It’s a film that functions just as well as a drama as it does as a horror film. Throw in an element of mystery and you have a refreshing approach to a what sounds like a standard premise, thankfully, this is anything but.

Laura (Belen Rueda) is a former orphan now raising her adopted son Simon (Roger Princep) with her doctor husband Carlos (Fernando Cayo) in a big old house, that used to be the orphanage where she lived as a child. With plans to turn the orphanage into a home for special needs children, things take a turn when Simon starts playing with his “imaginary friends”. Then, during a house party, Simon goes missing. Laura goes looking but finds nothing more than a strange masked boy named Tomas wandering the grounds. Are these really imaginary friends, or are they ghosts? Months unfold and Laura only delves deeper and deeper into the mystery.

The build-up is patient and the payoffs are always worth it. Like Del Toro, director J.A. Bayona and screenwriter Sergio G. Sanchez truly capture both the whimsy and terror of being a child. Tomas is definitely at the forefront of the horror with the ghoulish sack he wears over his head. There’s so much here to appreciate on a technical and emotional level. I’d hate to spoil anything as I highly recommend this film to anyone. It might leave you teary eyed but not before being terrified.

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Ah! Sackboy!