With great success comes responsibility. It also means being f*cking rich! But Poon didn’t amass their great fortune overnight. It took years and years of selling out. In Poon’s forty something years of existence, they made everything from toys to fruit snacks, to interactive love dolls. Here’s a list of the group’s most sought after items.
In the mood for lovin’ but you can’t get the knight to slay the dragon? (i.e. erectile dysfunction) Look no further than Quartermaine brand massage oil. Introduced in 1979, Quartermaine Massage Oil came in two scents, lilac, and cool ranch, and was well known for its thickness. Although the item was recalled in 1981 for causing painful rashes and mild hallucinations you can still fetch a bottle every now and then on eBay, but it’ll cost ya.
A Target exclusive in 2011, Peter Cream’s Creamy Cream was good in the bedroom or at the dinner table. Developed by Cream himself from a secret family recipe, the item was an instant success. Sadly, bottles were recalled in 2012 after consumers found it took away their ability to experience taste.
A Toys ‘R Us exclusive, the Poon body bag gave young fans the chance to see what it was like to be Chet Stroker for a night. A hot seller during the Christmas of 1978, the item was taken off the market a few months later, after consumers realized you couldn’t breathe inside of it. A nice addition to any Poon collection.
Although the group hadn’t been together for nearly two years, the record label continued to pump out merchandise. This rare T-shirt, promoting Rudy Giuliani’s 1994 mayoral campaign, wasn’t much of a seller in the 90s, but has since become a very sought after collectible.
Entitled, Star Whores: A New Stroke, this was the first sex tape to ever be filmed in space. Though Stroker has no memory of the event, the tape has become required viewing for die-hard Poon fans. Blast off!
Released by Hasbro, the Rick Boner ankle bracelet came with realistic sound effects and flashing lights. The only problem was once it was on, IT WAS ON.
A K-Mart exclusive, the Chet Stroker love doll was a HOT seller back in the Christmas of 1981. You can’t get much for a used one these days, but mint in the box can run upwards of 6k. Good for pokin’ and strokin’.
Painted by renowned French artist Moopy, this beautiful portrait of Lesley Quartermaine was recently purchased by the official Poon Museum aka the “Poonposium” in Wichita for $8,000. Just look at how f*ckin majestic it is.
The song that single-handedly put an end to Poon’s career. Though most copies of this George Martin produced track were destroyed in 1992, a few dozen cassette tapes are still thought to exist. The most recent one showed up on eBay in 2013 and sold for nearly ten thousand dollars.
It’s common knowledge that nearly all of Poon’s discography was destroyed in worldwide burnings in 1992. Though a few recordings have popped up over the years. The band’s first album was re-released in 2014 after being found in an ancient Babylonian ruin, and more recordings are uncovered every now and then. Still, most of Poon’s work has been lost to time. At least we’ll always have the memories. Heart on everybody.