in Shocktober

Shocktober: Day 18

The Pod People (1983)

I’ve seen my fair share of bad horror movies but too often I find that some of the most irritating are the foreign horror films. I’m talking about the kind of films that are quickly and poorly hobbled together, sloppily dubbed and then shipped out to the US market. The kind of films where you wonder if anyone really had a firm grasp of any language when making it. Though perhaps the more puzzling query is “What is The Pod People supposed to be about?”

First of all The Pod People is not about Pod People and I have no idea why his film is called The Pod People. The actual title of this Spanish sci-fi flick is Los Neuvos Extraterrestres or The New Extraterrestrials. Originally planned as a horrific alien thriller the success of E.T. drove the producers to also make it the story of an innocent boy and his friendly alien pal. Filled with pointless subplots, inane dialogue, and far too many pointless scenery cutaways, watching this film is worse than any kind of probe.

The film opens with the credits superimposed over footage of what appears to be some homemade alien monster movie. Though for whatever reason this footage of men fighting aliens in the woods is in fact from another movie called Galaxy Invader. How this happened I have no idea as not only is it completely irrelevant but the footage is so bad. After this we are introduced to a trio of egg poachers out in the woods looking for nightingale eggs, which I guess must be worth some money to someone. One of the poachers then wanders off after supposedly seeing something in the sky and soon stumbles upon an eerie cave. Inside the cave is a collection of large eggs, the man smashes one open and discovers a gross fetus. So without even considering that these eggs may be worth something, Mr. Dumbest Egg Poacher in the world starts to smash all the eggs which awakens an unseen monster that kills him.

The other two poachers continue to meander through what looks like the foggiest woods on Earth while each following scene seems to go back and forth between day and night. I seem to recall one guy even says “Don’t take all night!” when it’s clearly day. Moving away from these poachers we are introduced to a young boy living nearby in a house in the woods who is awoken by some mysterious lightning outside. The boy named Tommy also appears to collect animals as a hobby and lives with his mom and douchebag uncle. Tommy also sounds like he’s voiced by an adult Italian woman but hey why not? So we get a couple more shots of the poachers again and then the next thing you know were in some kind of recording studio.

Here we have Rick, a hot recording artist busy in the studio working on some song singing “Hear the Engines Roll, Now!” Though it sounds more like “Idiot Control Now!” This segment of the film was well covered in an episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000. Before we have any idea what this scene has to do with anything were back to the woods again following two characters that are taking the film nowhere.

Skipping ahead Rick (who’s a complete douchebag) and his studio friends travel out to go camping in the woods, Oh, now I see why they’re in this movie. It’s at this point in the film that I could swear some of the characters voices are constantly changing from the dubbing process but I don’t know, there’s definitely something going on there. Back to Tommy and we see that he’s discovered the mysterious egg cave and found one egg left behind. Tommy also discovers the dead body of one of the poachers and runs from the cave in terror, though I don’t believe he ever tells anyone about the dead body.

Tommy goes home and starts to care for the egg until it hatches into some kind of miniature Alf-like alien that the kid names “Trumpy”, here is where the E.T. element enters the film. Then in a SINGLE CUTAWAY the alien grows to the size of a dwarf in a costume and shows the kid his stupid magic powers. Skipping ahead again Rick and his stupid friends get ridiculed by the mother alien and make their way to Tommy’s house. This is where the rest of the film basically becomes your typical monster/slasher B-movie. As I’m growing weary of plot synopsis I believe it ended with Trumpy’s mom and a lot of others being killed and then some more footage from Galaxy Invader. What this all results in is a movie that’s part monster movie part kids movie and all terrible!

Trumpy and friends!

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