I don’t think there was ever really a moment where I thought this album would be any good. Just look at that cover it’s horrible! But I’m a big fan of Alice’s 1975 concept album Welcome to My Nightmare and when I heard he’d be reuniting with the original Alice Cooper Band and producer/composer Bob Ezrin (basically Alice Cooper’s George Martin) l I had to at least give it a little taste. I mean it’s getting close to October right? And what better way to bring in the Halloween season than with a review of the latest from the king of shock rock?
Usually when I review something as “bad and good” I like to call it a mixed bag. So just picture a bag of halloween candy, some of it will contain delicious fun sized candy bars but some of it will also contain candy that has razors wedged inside. Welcome 2 My Nightmare (Bad title by the way) is more like two or three good pieces of candy and then about a dozen razors.
What I didn’t discover until after downloading the album is that the Alice Cooper Band only plays on three songs. Damn it! I’ve been fucking duped! I thought this was going to be a full on reunion! It’s always been my opinion that the Alice Cooper Band is what made Alice Cooper even worth listening to, I mean it was those guys that wrote the music. Don’t get me wrong, Alice is a spectacular showman but he really isn’t much of a musician.
On to the album in question, W.2.M.N. opens with the song “I Am Made of You” a song that Alice has described as an “epic masterpiece” but I have a much more appropriate word for it “bad”. I can’t believe I’m actually listening to Alice Cooper sing a song using Auto-Tune. That kills it, I don’t even care to talk about the rest of the song. From here we move into more familiar territory with some pop rock on the song “Caffeine” a passable track. Afterwards we get one of those tracks that mostly exists to progress the concept (which is someone’s nightmare by the way) called “The Nightmare Returns”, mostly Alice and piano, it’s okay. I’d like to keep going on describing each track seeing that they there all so different, but let’s skip ahead to a song that I actually like. “I’ll Bite Your Face Off” features the Alice Cooper Band and actually sounds like it could of been one of the band’s hit songs from the 70s, it’s easily the best thing on this album.
Probably the worst thing on this album is a song that features Ke$ha. Do you ever wish you could “un-hear” a song? I sure did after this. I should of stayed clear of this album just for that. Another bizarre song is a semi-electronic song called “Disco Bloodbath Boogie Fever” because disco of course is as relevant as ever. I probably should of checked out the featured personnel on this album before listening; Ke$ha, Rob Zombie, John 5, Kip Winger? That’s basically everyone I hate.
What pains me so much is I do hear some good melodies and ideas buried under all of Ezrin’s over extravagant production. Don’t you hate it when older artists use a bunch of effects and shit to cover up the fact that they can’t sing anymore? Look at someone like Neil Young, he doesn’t hide behind anything and he’s just as good as ever. So for any Cooper fan curious about this album I suggest you just keep to the original Welcome to My Nightmare, that album was shockingly awesome.
Favorite Track: “I’ll Bite Your Face Off”