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T3: Worst Album Covers Ever!

Posts have been slow at Cat Fancy lately, so for this week’s “Top Ten” I thought I’d blow your mind and do the first ever “Top Twenty”. I was recently looking up terrible album covers and immediately I felt inspired. There’s just so many great (By which I mean horrible) covers so I had to go the distance. Most are extremely obscure artists but I looked at over a hundred album covers to narrow it down to this tight twenty. I’ll keep most of my comments brief as I belief the images speak for themselves. It’s hard to decide which covers are worse than others, but something that we can all agree on is that these are all terrible.

20. Freddie Gage – All My Friends are Dead (1969?)
: Oh yeah that’s uplifting.

19. Dwarves – The Dwarves Must Die (2004)
He died for our lollipops, poor little feller.

18. Eulenspygel – Eulenspygel 2 (1971)
This is cruel, unusual and very, very sad.

17. Larz Kristerz – Stuff Party 2 (2004)
If you thought “Stuff Party 1” was intense than wait till you hear the followup!

16. Tiny Lynn – Little Lehman’s Half-Fast Songs (????)
Is this foreign? I can only imagine what kind of great material is on this album.

15. Elvez – G.I. Ay! Ay! Blues (1996)
What the hell is this? Is this guy like the Latin Elvis?

14. Fabio – After Dark (1993)
Yeah it happened…

13. Boned – Up at the Crack (2005)
Yes, yes, this rocks!

12. The Braillettes – Our Hearts Keep Singing (1968)
They all ready have to deal with being blind, now they have to deal with people laughing at their cover behind their backs.

11. Tino – Por Primera Vez (1983)
: You cannot resist the Tino!

10. Herbie Mann – Push Push (1971)
: If women want to “push” with anyone it’s Herbie Mann. He’s sweaty, balding, hairy, he plays the flute, what more could you want?

9. Pooh Man – Funky As I Wanna Be (1992)
A guy named “Pooh-Man” between a woman’s legs, what comes to mind?

8. Millie Jackson – Back to the S..t! (1989)
: Seriously, that’s just disgusting.

7. Joyce – Self Titled (1983)
Who’s the target audience here? Who’s Joyce and why would I want her album? I guess that’s why she went for such a great cover.

6. Christian Crusaders with Alvin Davis – Self Titled (1972)
: Looking spiffy! I bet all the hip kids loved the Christian Crusaders.

5. Heino – Liebe Mutter (1972)
: For those who don’t know “Liebe Mutter” loosely translates into “love mother”. I guess this makes Heino like the German Norman Bates. If Norman Bates recorded an album.

4. The Handsome Beasts – Bestiality (1996)
You have to admit they make a cute couple.

3. The Ministers Quartet – Let Me Touch Him (1964)
: Let Me Touch Him?!? You have a picture of four middle aged religious men and you name the album “Let Me Touch Him”?

2. The Handsome Beasts – 04 (2004)
What’s that guys obsession with being naked?

1. Ken – By Request Only (1976)
Widely considered as the worst album cover of all time, I’m not sure what’s so striking about By Request Only. Whether it’s Ken’s late 70s porn star look or the lame overlaying of his vacant expression, By Request Only is beyond hilarious.

As a matter of fact, people were so taken by this cover when it first popped up on the internet that it became somewhat of an urban legend. Who is Ken? Is this an actual album? What kind of music did he do? Well it didn’t take long for a copy of this baby to appear on eBay and soon all the secrets were revealed.

Ken Snyder is his name and this is indeed a real album. Released in 1976 the album contains Christian music. Apparently the real Ken has actually found this whole fiasco quite amusing. He’s sold a few copies online (with his autograph) and has embraced the legend. I’m glad this whole thing could end on a good note.

Dishonorable Mention
There’s a lot of horrible 80s hair metal album covers. Scorpions and Man-O-War definitely have some of the worst in that genre. There’s a lot of other religious albums that are pretty bad as well.

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