Creepshow (1982)

Dir: George A. Romero
Cast: Hal Holbrook, Adrienne Barbeau, E.G. Marshall, Ed Harris, Leslie Nielsen, Ted Danson, Stephen King, Fritz Weaver
: EC Comics a.k.a Entertaining Comics produced some of the most controversial comics of the Late 40s to Early 50s. Titles like Tales from the Crypt , The Vault of Horror, and Weird Science, were all cult classics, but suffered a severe backlash due to their violent and adult content. Unfortunately those titles didn’t last long after their battle against censorship, but in 1982 they were remembered once more by two guys by the names of Stephen King and George A. Romero.

The film was called Creepshow and it was an all out tribute to E.C. Comics. An anthology film, King would provide the stories in the style of E.C. while George A. Romero (Night of the Living Dead, Dawn of the Dead) would take the helm as director. The result was a comic book come to life with big laughs, big scares, big twists and style oozing out of every rotted orophus.

I’ll split up the rest of the review by simply commenting on each segment.

– Father’s Day: A man (Jon Lormer) killed on Father’s Day by his daughter Bedelia (Viveca Lindfors) rises from the dead to seek vengeance and some cake that he never got. Probably my least favorite segment but it’s very brief, so no real complaints just typical shocker stuff.

– The Lonesome Death Of Jordy Verill: King himself stars as the title character who after touching a meteorite starts to grow vegetation all over his body. It’s more comedic in tone but ends on a dark note and King is actually pretty entertaining.

– Something to Tide You Over: Mad at his unfaithful wife (Gaylen Ross), Richard Vickers (Leslie Nielsen) buries her and her lover Harry (Ted Danson) up to their necks in sand right before high tide! But what happens when one night they come back? This one is probably the freakiest and is made even freakier by the unusually dramatic performance from Leslie Nielsen.

– The Crate: Henry Northup (Hal Holbrook) is a college professor unhappily married to the insufferable Wilma (Adrienne Barbeau). Wishing for a change of scenery, tables turn when Henry comes into possession of a crate containing a rare and dangerous animal. Easily the best segment for it’s humor, performances and creature effects, The Crate is the highlight of the film.

– They’re Creeping Up on You: Upson Pratt (E.G. Marshall) hates two things; germs and people. Living in a completely sterilized apartment, he spends this particular evening abusing employees and other folks over the phone. Everything is under his grasp… Until an onslaught of never-ending cockroaches invade his home. A strong note to go out on, E.G. Marshall’s character is the kind of character you love to hate.

All the segments are tied together with additional wraparounds of a boy (King’s son Joe King) who orders a voodoo doll to get revenge on his dad (Tom Atkins) for throwing out his comics. It’s just a wacky horror romp that’s overflowing with comic book style. There was a sequel but the stories were no where near as funny or inventive.

Poltergeist (1982)

Dir: Tobe Hooper
Cast: Craig T. Nelson, JoBeth Williams, Beatrice Straight, Domonique Dunne, Oliver Robins, Heater O’Rourke, Zelda Rubinstein
I used to be kind of hard on Poltergeist for reasons I can’t really remember. I do think it holds back on being as dark as it could of been but whatever, that doesn’t change the fact that it’s made an impact on the genre. How many times have you heard about something that was “Buried over an Indian burial ground?” Poltergeist may be more “Hollywood” than your average horror flick but that doesn’t make it any less important.

So the film starts out following a peaceful suburban family in California. The perfect picture of the American family, things take a turn for the worse when Carol Anne (Heather O’Rourke) the youngest child is contacted by spirits through the family television. Soon enough a series of paranormal disturbances wreak havoc on the family, you know like evil trees and clown dolls. The film escalates as Carol is sucked into the television and into the spirit world. So they hire a medium played pitch perfect by the unusual Zelda Rubinstein. From there on the Freeling family battles it out with the spirits and there’s no shortage of corpses that launch out of the ground. Some great creepy visuals and an excellent soundtrack from Jerry Goldsmith as well.

People say there’s a curse on the film as the two daughters in the film both died young and two other actors from the sequels are also dead. Though that’s very sad that’s hardly a curse, “The Little Rascals”, now there’s some messed up shit. I’ve always been more interested in the debate over who really directed the film. Though Tobe Hooper (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre) is the credited director, many crew members have claimed that producer Steven Spielberg helmed most of the important stuff. Sounds to me like they both did their fair share of work on it but Spielberg just by nature is the more interactive filmmaker, so really it should’ve of been credited to both of them but what the hell do I know? Poltergeist does have that Spielberg shimmer on it though and miraculously holds up well today, check it out but don’t look into the light.

Zombi 2 (1979)

Dir: Lucio Fulci
Cast: Tisa Farrow, Ian McCullough, Richard Johnson
“Zombi 2? Were doing a sequel now? What about Zombi 1? Is there a Zombi 1?” It’s sort of complicated but I’ll try and explain. Zombi 2, also known as; Zombie, Island of the Living Dead, Zombie Island, Zombie Flesh Eaters and Woodoo is an Italian film from the “Godfather of Gore” Lucio Fulci. To my understanding it’s a foreign sequel to the American Dawn of the Dead which in Italy is called “Zombi”.

With all that out of the way let met regale you with the touching story of a zombie that fought a shark. Yes that’s an actual scene from the movie and yes, it’s awesome. What really makes it and many other scenes a blast is that despite this film’s low budget, the violence looks real. I mean that’s why they called Lucio Fulci “The Godfather of Gore” not only were his films bloody but the violence looked real. That’s quite an accomplishment when you’re working with nothing and although this film is a bit of a muddled mess, it’s grisly fun.

Mia Farrow’s sister Tisa Farrow stars as Anne, a young woman interrogated by the police after her missing father’s yacht (with a zombie passenger) drifts into the New York Harbor. Along with a reporter named Peter (Ian McCulloch), Anne discovers a note from her father saying he’s on the island of Matool suffering from an unknown disease. So they go and what do they find? An island of bloodthirsty zombies. They meet up with a doctor (Richard Johnson) studying the epidemic but it doesn’t take long for the situation to get a little out of hand.

Unfortunately the English release has some horrid dubbing and at times the film can become so grainy it looks about as good as a rotted corpse. It’s a great idea but it tends to ramble and feel disjointed. But this if anything, is a great effects movie. Probably one of the most memorable scenes (aside from the Tiger Shark thing) is a where we watch a human eyeball slowly pushed into a shard of wood. It’s slow, it’s disturbing, and it’s morbidly satisfying. This isn’t a film for the squeamish but what squeamish person would rent a movie called “Zombi 2” anyway? It’s no where near the same quality of the Romero pictures but it just goes to show that there are a few other good zombie flicks wandering around out there.

The Hills Have Eyes (1977)

Dir: Wes Craven
Cast: Susan Lanier, Robert Houston, Martin Spear, Dee Wallace, James Whitworth, Michael Berryman
In the early 1400s the Beane Family, a feral clan roamed the highlands of Scotland. They murdered and ate transients until eventually caught and executed on the order of King James without a trial. This would serve as the inspiration for the grim cult classic The Hill Have Eyes. The controversial followup film to Craven’s controversial The Last House on the Left. Not a sequel just his second film, though they do have their similarities. Both pit group of innocents against violent, unsympathetic, people… If you can call them people.

This violent gang of cannibals is lead by the monstrous Papa Jupiter (Bill Drago), Mama (Cordy Clark) and includes their four children; Mars (Lance Gordon), Mercury (Pete Locke), Ruby (Janus Blythe) and Pluto (Michael Berryman, the creep guy on the poster.) Together they stalk a family passing through the desert in an RV and make their lives a living hell.

There’s not much to it really, just a bunch of violent confrontations that always leave you uneasy. If there’s anything that really stands out it’s Michael Berryman, the film’s breakout character. He gives a menacing performance that’s only enhanced by Berryman’s unusual appearance. You see Berryman was born with Hypohidrotic Ectodermal Dysplasia, a condition which prevents one from developing hair, fingernails, or sweat glands (not really ideal for a movie filmed in the desert.) He was also supposedly born with 26 birth defects and yet he’s made a great career for himself. I’ll always remember him for his appearance on the X-Files and he continues to pop up from time to time. Word has he’s a really intelligent and nice guy, surprising when you watch his monstrous performance in this.

Well I got a little off topic but I write what I feel. So that knocks out another Craven film and another one which has been remade. What Craven film will be remade next Swamp Thing? I rarely say this but that actually could benefit from a remake.

Suspiria (1977)

Director: Dario Argento
Cast: Jessica Harper, Udo Kier, Joan Bennett, Alida Valli
Suspiria: Beautiful, atmospheric, awful… “Wait Suspiria? Perhaps the most notable Italian horror movie ever made and you’re telling me it’s bad? Whatchu talkin’ bout Willis?” That would probably be the reaction from most horror movie purists. Suspiria has draw dropping cinematography, an intensely chilling score, but have you ever actually tried to follow this thing? It makes absolutely no sense, it’s a terrible story and yet it’s still an influential work. Considered the crowning achievement of Horror Legend Dario Argento, let me tell you why this film despite it’s incoherent plot is a cult classic.

In the most basic explanation Suspiria is about a young American ballet dancer named Susy Banyon who’s come to Germany to study dance at a renowned academy. Though as soon as she arrives students are murdered and something seems a bit off about the faculty. Sounds like an accessible slasher setup but this film is always taking a back seat to it’s visuals, so much that the plot suffers. So the big surprise is the faculty is like a coven of witches but their motivations are never clear. The story is littered with plot holes and unexplained occurrences, almost as if it was written around certain violent set pieces rather than an actual narrative. So why should anyone care about Suspiria? Because this film looks like no other.

One of the last films to use the Technicolor Three-Strip process Suspiria vividly captures a vast color spectrum and combined with creative camerawork creates a breathtaking nightmare. I wouldn’t be surprised if some of these visuals inspired many horror filmmakers and that’s what has kept it’s legacy alive. Though you can’t overlook the satanic synth soundtrack from prog rock group Goblin. Most famous for their score to Dawn of the Dead, this is another one of their best works (needed to throw that in somewhere.)

So is it a good movie? In my opinion no, but it is an important one that is worth recognizing, just don’t try to make any sense of it. Word on the street is that filmmaker David Gordon Green has been aching to do a remake for awhile now, I wonder if he could make it coherent?