John Otteni

I made a mockumentary about hunting vampires

John’s Top Ten Movies of 2014

Looking through the John Otteni Film Database (a TextEdit file on my Mac), I’ve determined that 2014 tried its best but like Icarus, foolishly soared too high, and lost control of its servo guidance mechanism. It’s a shame because me and 2013 were basically BFF’s: Inside Llewyn Davis, Her, Nebraska, Frances Ha? You kidding me? And at least 2012 and myself still occasionally talk on the phone. How could we not when we can talk about great films like: Skyfall, Looper, Life of Pi, and Django Unchained. 2014? There were some brief moments of passion but that’s about as far as it goes. So without any further ado, let’s try and look back.

Honorable Mention
Dear White People
Obvious Child
Snowpiercer

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Stream Police Ep. 15: Santa Claws

It’s January 17th and you know what that means, only 341 days until Christmas! To celebrate this festive time of year Stream Police has reviewed the iconic 2014 family-holiday film Santa Claws . We’ll also talk about some of our Christmas favorites and some of our not so favorites. Isn’t it Exciting? Or do you think I’m just trying to come up with excuses for why our Christmas episode is three weeks late? Well no one will ever truly know the answer to that question, except for the omnipresent being that is Santa Claus. Happy Holidays!

John’s Top Ten TV Shows of 2014

I’d like to preface this list by saying I had a tough time with media in general this year. I had to search the ends of the Earth to find music I liked for my “Top Ten Albums” list and I’m not looking forward to my “Top Ten Movies” list which at this point will be just one long article about how Dawn of the Planet of the Apes is “More than a movie.” But TV was my saving grace, in fact… There’s almost too many good TV shows. Here’s an example, last night they announced the winners of the Golden Globes and I’d never even heard of the show that won “Best Drama Series”. I believe it was a show called The Affair. I mean, when the best show on TV according to “TV People” is a show I’m not even watching then what else could I possibly be missing? That’s why I’m going to list a few shows I wish I had seen in place of our usual “Honorable Mentions”. Lets click to it!

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John’s Top Ten Albums of 2014

2014 was a tough nut to crack for the Johnster. Yes, I am referring to myself and yes, “Johnster” will also be the name of my new filesharing website. Spoiler: All the files will be audio of people holding tape recorders next to radios. I don’t know if I’m less “with it” these days or that they changed what “it” was, and now what I’m with isn’t “it”, and what’s “it” seems weird and scary to me. All I know is I don’t want to become the middle aged guy getting wasted at the Death Cab for Cutie 30th Anniversary Show at the Chateau Ste. Michelle. I want to find new music I like and doggone it I’ll go to the ends of the Earth (the internet) to find it. I’d be lying if I said I heard most of these albums back when they came out. Most of them I heard two days ago but they seem okay. Fasten your seatbelts, it’s going to be a bumpy night.
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Stream Police Ep. 12: The Fantastic Voyage

The crew of the SS. Stream Police dive into the 60s sci-fi classic The Fantastic Voyage. Jumping aboard this week is first mate Colin Wessman who shares his insights on things like miniaturization and how the inside of the human body looks like a lava lap. That and why more sci-fi movies should star Neil deGrasse Tyson on this episode of Stream Police.