John Otteni

I made a mockumentary about hunting vampires

Freaky Fridays: Jason X

Jason X (2001)

I remember seeing a cardboard display for Jason X in the lobby of a Regal Cinema when I was eleven-years-old. I hadn’t seen any of the films but I was familiar with the character. My immediate reaction was “Wow, that’s dumb” followed by laughter. Even as a child Jason X seemed like a bad idea and it is a bad idea. I actually ended up renting it with my dad on home video—that’s what we called it—however many months later. I remember thinking it was just so terrible and then falling asleep.

Looking back, I think I was a little hard on Jason X. Too much preteen angst, perhaps. Then again, preteen John hadn’t sat through nine other Friday the 13th movies beforehand. Because in the grand scheme of things, Jason X is one of the most entertaining installments in the series. Yes, it’s a terrible idea with cliche characters, cheesy effects, and flat story, but it’s fun. The action is solid and there are a few genuine laughs. Jason X, like Piranha 3DD, is a movie that knows exactly what it’s supposed to be. It never tries to be more than dumb fun and on that note, it succeeds. On other notes? Oh god is it bad.

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Freaky Fridays: Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday

Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday (1993)

Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday is a film I hated before I even pressed play. This is because Part IX is the first film in my Friday the 13th viewing odyssey that I was unable to watch on Amazon Prime. I gather because the first eight films are Paramount releases while Part IX is from New Line Cinema. I understand this is a completely arbitrary and unfair grievance in regards to the actual film, but when I have to go out of my way to watch a film I already know is bad, you better believe I’m going to be cranky.

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Freaky Fridays: Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood

Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood (1988)

I’ve been watching Friday the 13th films for seven weeks now. Early on, I had been confused about the original film’s “call to action” if you will. “Was Jason dead? If not, why’d didn’t his mom look for him?” Once I was convinced by nerds on the internet that “Jason’s disappearance is explained in the official novelization to Part II *nerd slurp” I figured the series for the most part made sense. I was wrong. Not until this installment did I realize how confusing the timeline is in this franchise.

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Freaky Fridays: Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives

Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives (1986)

What to do after we kill the bad guy?”Many slasher movies with an embarrassing amount of sequels face this dilemma. Some are smart. In Nightmare on Elm Street, Freddy Krueger only exists in the dream world, so he can be brought back as many times as deemed necessary. How about Child’s Play? Chucky is an evil soul inhabiting a doll. As long as you can produce a new doll, you can produce a new Chucky movie. Scream defies the issue by finding a new killer to don the mask with every sequel.

Sometimes the approach is as simple as “just ignore it.” Leatherface is blown up at the end of Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2. Did they explain it in Part 3? Nah. This same technique was used, or should I say “abused” in the Halloween franchise. Though they later explained this in Part 6 when Michael Myer’s immortality was revealed to be the result of evil Druids.

Magic is the dumbest way to keep a franchise afloat. As I just said, Halloween committed this sin in 1995 but nine years prior a little black magic transpired in the small town of Crystal Lake or should I say, “Forest Green” and the Friday the 13th franchise was never the same.

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C.A.T.: Tous les garçons et les filles

Françoise Hardy – Tous les garçons et les filles (1962)

What better album to feature for Valentine’s Day than one from Paris, France: “The City of Love.” Awhile back, I set out to review an acclaimed album once a week—for Classic Album Tuesdays—chronologically from 1957 to modern day. I crapped out at 1961. The problem being most rock albums back then sucked. Don’t get me wrong. There were 31-flavors of good Jazz and Blues. Yet Rock had yet to evolve past the single. Most rockers were too busy being rebels (most of which without causes) and dying in motorcycle crashes.

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Rokk Talk Ep. 07: Hooked on a Feeling

I, I, I, I, I, I’m hooked on a podcast! This week, John and Colin are digging out the satin shirts, bell bottoms and taking the next soul train back to the seventies. Because there’s a new Guardians of the Galaxy due out May 5th. In anticipation, John and Colin have each made lists of the top ten seventies songs they’d each like to see on Peter Quill’s next Awesome Mix tape. Dyno-mite!

If you just can’t wait, look below to see John and Colin’s lists

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